The Devil's Angel // Sheriarty AU

• Chapter 6 •

Gone.

I didn't move from my spot on my sofa. Deep inside myself I was secretly hoping he would spontaneously reappear and we'd talk some more.

It didn't happen.

Talking to him was comforting. He understood me. He understood that people had expectations, that I expected a lot of myself too, but those expectations just didn't pan out. He told me that I could be me. That I am perfect and that I was apart of this big world and that I was noticed.

I was noticed.

Even if I was noticed in the wrong way, I still mattered to the world. I still mattered to people. I still mattered to Seb. But of course i had to go and throw that all away, by being an arrogant son of a bitch and killing him because Seb was just being him. He was just doing what he was meant to do for the world. And I took it all away from him in a single second.

Because I'm selfish. I'm sly. I'm spiteful. And I'm a complete, utter prick.

It's not fun anymore. Killing. At first, I used to ravish on the feeling of taking someone's life away, but now that I think about it, I took them away from their plans. I took all they were and all that they were going to be. Just because I'm selfish.

**********

I never really liked riding the train. There are always those few people who talk really loudly when you just want silence, and there are those people who snore and snore for what seems like yours on end. I always preferred taxis. Yes they were a lot more expensive to ride in, but the journey was silent and you saw the beauty that surrounded London through one tiny window.

Yet here I am on a train. not knowing where I am heading to, but knowing my destination.

The world is dark outside. There are no stars out in the sky this day, just opaque blackness surrounding me. Everywhere I look, shadows loom and creep and faces meet my eyes in the dark.

Are my demons finally catching up with me?

**********

I'm sorry Sebastian.

I could never say those 3 words enough. Saying them over and over almost sounds sarcastic and sly, like I don't really mean it but I do. I really do. I'm just so sorry Sebastian. You were my only friend and you weren't my pet, I just said those things to myself because I wanted to make myself feel like I was important, like I meant something. But killing you was never the plan! I never meant to do it and now my life has gone to shit and I just can't carry on anymore, I just can't!

I can't take it.

You meant so much more to me than I let on. I know I acted as if you were just a sniper, like you were just an employee, but you were so much more than that. You were my brother. You helped me, you taught me and you saved me so many times, and I never gave you proper credit. I just need you to say you forgive me. I just need to know that I am redeemed and that I can carry on.

It's getting too much. It's getting to my head. It's all becoming too much. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.

I killed Sebastian.

I killed the only reason that I was still living.

**********

Sherlock never returned back to me. He just came down, made up some shit story that he knew I would believe and he used me. He used me as a rebound for John. And the thing is i actually felt something for that guy. I don't think it was love but there was a definite connection. We bonded. We both fitted like a glove. He understood me, well at least that's how he acted. But he used me.

And I hate him for that.

He left me, and I know that may seem selfish but I am selfish. I wanted him to be mine. I did. I admit it now. We didn't know each other for that long, but I knew this was real.

He was for me. I was for him.

We were for each other.

But now hes gone.

He made me feel so much better about myself. He made me think that I was going to be okay and that everything was as it was supposed to be. Sebastian died because his path made that his plan. But did it? Did Sherlock just make that up? Maybe. But it made me feel better whatever the case.

He told me that I was different. And that he liked different. I think I understand that now. I think that finally after all this time I get it. He was living in a crazy angelic world where he was the black sheep. He didn't follow the crowd, and he didn't follow the aesthetics but he was his own person and that made him unique. We were the same. And that made me different.

**********

The train comes to its final stop. I lift my head off of the glass, with cool condensation patterned onto the glass of the cold London night. I get off of my seat, walking slowly behind the trails of people to get off of the underground. Where am I? Which tube did I end up getting? Does it even matter.

I get off of the train and the underground is surprisingly quiet. No noise is made except from the small distant pitter-patter of the walking people. Sometimes quiet is violent. I walk through the underground and eventually make it to the surface.

I'm somewhere in central London. That's a good start.

Now I just need to find my final destination.

Hey guys! Quite a ranty chapter but next chapter is last chapter! Hope you're enjoying the fanfiction so far. I've really enjoyed writing it and i can't wait to hear your guys feedback!

Please tell me what you think in the comments!

Hope you enjoyed the update!

-darcie