My life , My story, MY pain.

Chapter 2

I had turned exactly 16 and a half today when I was called by a unknown number and since it might be important I answered. 

          "Hello" I said

        "Excuse me is this MJ Spade" a guy asked

                   "Yes"I answered

       "I'm sorry to say this but I'm James  Justin ,a doctor at evergreen hospital and a woman named Natalie Coors has died from cancer today March 13th 2010 at 9:34 AM, who was identified as your mother" Dr. James Justin said

             I stood frozen in my house's kitchen not knowing what to think should I be glad she's dead as she's my tormented and abuser, or was. Or sad as she was my mother and gave birth to me. Am I messed up to not feel bad or sad about her death and actually feel rejoiced? I guess I may of spaced out because I was broken out of my daydream by

            "Ms. Spade are you there" a concerned Dr. James Justin spoke

            "Um, yeah I'm here,  uh well I don't talk to my mother so I'll give you the number of her father so he could make arrangements of her body its
541-905-••••. I would appreciate it if you didn't mention anything about me or her having me, you know under Doctor confidentiality. " I replied

"Um Ms I don't understand your request but I will honor it. I will leave now and call the the number you have given me. If your sure about your request. " Dr. James Justin said.

"I am sure of what I had requested of you. Thank you for your flexibility, goodbye Dr. James Justin. " I said

          I had hung up after making sure he would honor my request to keep quiet about me. My moms family and I have never been acquainted so I wanted to keep It that way for the time being. I had found the number of my mothers dad when I was cleaning up her apartment and since my mom was so close to death.  I kept it thinking it could come in handy. And it just did.

           I may seem like a bitter bitch and all and I'm not denying it , but my life needs secrecy. I'm heartless or so I've been told, but I have a reason or I guess  an excuse. I have been thru so much crap it has effected my ability to trust and believe. I like to keep to myself and lock anything about me or something that can effect people in a negative way in a vault.

       If my moms family knows about me now they would be dragged in the crossfire of me and my enemies. I want to know them and meet them in fact all the family I have on both sides will know about in the span of a year. My family on my dads side first as I have the letter to deliver from my mom.

         When I meet them though I will be on edge my family will be kept arm length away so my secrets  aren't discovered and my enemies don't find out about them I will be closed off , but that's what happens if you want to be in my life.