How To Pelican

Chapter 2: The Attitude

        Pelicans are NOT something to mess with! If you as so as look at us, you're on THE LIST. But you see, we aren't just snotty little birds, we are also pretty amazing organisms. If we were people at a school, we would be that person that everybody wants to be friends with. We would be the kid that you would never even dare look into the eyes of because of our awesomeness. You see now? We are that being. I remember the day I found my personality. In case you're wondering, pelicans have to search for a personality before having one. I had just hatched and was looking around for my mother.

       She was nowhere in sight. I began to panic because the others hadn't hatched yet. Just to give you the setting, the nest I hatched in was on a telephone post with the wires going either way. It was over a big city that was right next to a beach. So, anyways, I continued to look around and was relieved to see another one of the eggs begin to shake. I knew how hard it was to hatch out of an egg (being the first of my siblings and all) so I decided to help my younger sibling. I started to peck at the shell really hard, bursting through the shell each time. After a little while, my sibling was out of it's shell. I looked at my sibling and noticed that it wasn't moving. I also noticed that all the other eggs were moving. I looked down and saw that it was just some teenage boys shaking the post. I turned back to my sibling and saw that it was still not moving. I decided it was best to just piece back together the egg and shove the baby bird back inside. After getting that taken care of, I heard my mother. She was beautiful. Silky, straight feathers (she was an excellent pilot btw). A long, golden-orange beak, and loving, pretty eyes. Now I didn't really get to know her very well because after about 3 seconds of looking at me, she saw my sibling which I had thought was trying to hatch. Long story short, I ended up living on the streets near the bridge. Everything was hard. I continued to try begging for food and you would not believe how many mothers seem to enjoy telling their children not to feed the animals... and police. I ended up in jail about 58 times in my childhood. Most were from trying to steal dogs and ride them across the sea. But when I turned 1 year old, I knew that it was time to change, time to go on an adventure, time to find my personality. You see, my siblings all visited me every once and awhile, they all had their personalities and attitudes but they seemed to not enjoy my company. I had thought long and hard about why this was true when it hit me! I have no personality!  So as I was saying, on my first birthday, I made a trip. I wanted a more Northern personality so of course what better way to get one than my flying north! But there was a problem, I hadn't learned to fly. Now I am guessing that you are thinking- 'Why didn't you learn to fly?'-well, riding dogs was more my style, but with a restriction to touch dogs given to me by the police, I had a problem.

        Now this story is long enough so I am just going to cut to the chase. Ten million gazillion billion thousand and seven steps later, I arrived in Minnesota! The second I crossed the border, I saw a light. Like a bullet I was hit! All these thoughts ran through my head and then and there I knew that I had my personality.

       But what about my attitude?

      All that came naturally. Here is the steps you can take to learn how to get your pelican attitude.

Materials:

Glowstick

Yourself

Steps:

Step One: To find your inner 'tude' you can't be afraid to say what you think, this is the only step but the most important (mostly because it is the only step) step because just saying what you think will help you not become a better being, but a better pelican.