How To Pelican

Chapter 4: The Beak

         No beak? NO PELICAN! That is one of the main PELICAN LAAAWWWS! It's just something that you follow as a pelican. You are never told this, you are never truly put to the test with this, and so on. It's the knowledge you are born with, an instinct, a DESTINY. We pelicans don't just fly around and look amazing, we also spend a lot of time caring for our precious. If you saw a pelican without a beak, how would you feel? Weird? Uncomfortable? Exactly. If you are born without a beak? PELICAN JAIL! You are taken from your family, friends, and relatives and left to starve in pelican jail or PJ for short. Some might joke and laugh about how PJ can also stand for potty john or pajamas but it isn't funny once you have been there! But I am not here to talk about PJ all day long, I have a story about this pelican I met on my way to MN. 

        I was walking out of my home state, FLorida, when I saw this weird looking pelican. I had never seen a pelican like this so of course little irresponsible me went over to meet him. Now this wasn't just some discolored pelican. I mean, I get looks when I say I am an ordinary pelican being a brown feathered pelican and all but seriously, this pelican was weird. When  I went up to him he just looked at me. Then he barked! I honked back at him and told him that his behavior was a bit rude for a greeting. He just barked back at me. He didn't even have a beak! Just a white ball or whatever. I was shocked and of course didn't know what exactly to do so I called up the pelican police or PP for short... don't say PP out loud. Anyways, they came I then yelled at me and told me that I was the one going to PJ. I said that there was no reason for me to go there and then they said that this wasn't a pelican, it was a white dog. I had never felt so stupid or ashamed of myself in my life, I had assumed that this dog was a beakless pelican and had then called the PP for no good reason at all. I was taken to PJ, but I am just glad I wasn't taken to BP or Bird Prison, a high security prison where ALL birds go, even hawks. I couldn't even imagine what life must be like there, I have heard about owls eating smaller birds... I couldn't, just couldn't.

      At PJ, I was put in a holding cell for two while they called up my mother who of course hated me for killing one of my siblings. But after a bit of convincing in the 5 minute call that I was limited to, I finally talked her into breaking me out. 

      Now I know that having a beak is one important part but that's only 2% of the REAL DEAL. You have to take care of your beak as well. Here are some tips  for your beak.

1) Use moisturizer, your beak won't get soft, but it will be shiny.

2) When in public, breathe out of your nostrils, breathe through your mouth and you'll look like an idiot.

3) When having a conversation with a organism, make sure you swing your beak around a lot so it is noticeable.

4) When showering of bathing, make sure you wash and care for your beak 98.72340981734% or the time.

5) Don't eat spinach.