Spelling Scars

Day

"Lauren."
You groaned as bright sunshine hit your closed eyes.

"Lauren it's time to get up."

You recognized Hermione's voice, and pushed yourself into a sitting position, opening your eyes.

"Sorry. You don't have to wait."
I said as I yawned, grabbing my robes and heading to the bathroom.

"I'll wait!" Hermione called after you as she sat on your bed.

I shut the door and locked it, and began taking off my pajamas. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, immediately feeling repulsed. I stared at my scar-ridden thighs and forearms. You stepped onto the scale in the corner, which another muggle-born student brought, Parvati. You let out a breath as you looked down at the flashing number. 85.3 pounds. Not skinny enough. You mentally chastised yourself, and your thoughts got even more self destructive. Your wrists and thighs burned with the temptation of cutting, but you needed to wait. It would take too long to clean up, and you were already holding Hermione up. I combed my hair straight and twisted it into a messy bun, and exited after brushing my teeth. Hermione looked up from a book she was reading, and smiled.

"Ready, darling?" She said as she looped her arm into yours. A smile stretched across your lips, a real and genuine one. Hermione never ceased to make you happy, especially with her adorable nicknames. I climbed through the portrait hole, and held a hand out for Hermione.

"Okay, so after breakfast we have Transfiguration, then Defense Against the Dark Arts, and then Potions. Then we have lunch, and we split off there."

Hermione read off her schedule. You only had a few classes together, sadly. noise echoed in your ears as you entered the great hall. The noise brought you back to your first day. you had been so scared, yet so excited. Your muggle born parents were excited to get rid of you. They had been abusive, and still were. You cleared your mind of them, not wanting to have a breakdown in front of the whole school.
I took a seat next to Hermione, and stared down at the food. Breakfast had already appeared, which consisted of waffles, toast, fruit and pumpkin juice. My stomach grumbled, but i wouldn't allow myself to fill it. I had been starving myself for some time, which lead to a severe case of anorexia. I picked at the fruit with my fork, and listened to the others conversation.

"No Harry, the directions were to read and write about it, not just read." Hermione said as she pointed at Harry's transfiguration homework. Harry and Ron groaned, realizing their mistake.

"You guys need to stop daydreaming about the girls in your class eh?" George teased as he sat down with Fred. I looked up at the front of the great hall, and remembered my sorting ceremony. the heavy weight of the sorting hat was still remembered, and the way my heart leaped when the hat proclaimed me as a Gryffindor. I remember seeing Hermione for the first time, the way I became enamored.

"Laur? Are you okay?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, and met Hermione's worried eyes.

"Yeah, sorry. just spaced out." I lied. The others were eating, and I needed to have a few bites of something so no one would get suspicious. I would have to work it off later. I picked up a grape and put it into my mouth, chewed it to a pulp, and swallowed. I took a long sip of water, trying to quiet my demons. Breakfast passed, and I calculated the calories I had consumed in my head. 34. Way too much.

Hermione and I made our way through the corridors, and into the transfiguration classroom.

"Oh thank god you two arrived, I need some help." i surveyed the classroom, to see the class huddled in a corner, with Cornish pixies crowding them.

"These little bothers got in here, probably from Peeves. will you help me get rid of them?" Asked professor McGonagall as she adjusted her grip on her wand.

"Sure professor" I nodded along with Hermione, and we walked around, muttering spells that sent the pixies away. as the last one disappeared, McGonagall let out a sigh.

"Oh, thank you two so much, I can always count on you. Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hermione glanced at me, a pleased expression on her face. Hermione and I both have unwavering intelligence, the only good thing that I could find about myself. We settled upfront, and took out our things for the lesson. My thoughts immediately turned negative, my mind comparing my body to the others.

Fat

Ugly

Worthless

Freak

Useless

Horrible

My demons began to rage, and i tightened my grip on my quill, trying to focus. it would certainly be a long day.

*******

"Mmm, that roast was exceptional!" Ron proclaimed as Hermione, Harry, Ron and I climbed through the portrait hole and into the almost-empty common room.

"I know." Harry agreed as he put down his bag. "Ron, lets do our homework straightaway, so we can play chess later with Fred and George."

Harry and Ron crossed the common room and sat down at a table. I adjusted my bag on my shoulder, and a wave of dizziness overcame me. I had eaten 10 calories at lunch and 47 at dinner, which brought me to 91 calories for the day. I felt lightheaded with hunger and exhaustion.

"Lauren! Are you okay?" Hermione said in a startled voice as she grabbed onto my shoulders, stopping me from falling.

"Yeah, just tired." I croaked.

"Come here." Hermione said as she took my hands. "Sweetie, your hands are freezing!" Hermione said as she pushed my down onto a plush couch in the corner. "Are you sure your'e okay? Maybe I should take you to Madam Pomfrey."

"No. No, I'm fine." I insisted as Hermione threw a blanket over us. She snuggled up to me, and wrapped her arms around me.

"Come here, you toughy." She said as she took hold of one of my hands. I snuggled up to her, resting my head on her shoulder.

I felt content, for the first time in weeks.

********

Hey guys! I'm a huge potterhead, and I love hermione. this story will contain eating disorders, self harm, depression, anxiety and suicide, so if any of those things trigger you, please don't read. it would be great if you could share this story with others, I hope it's successful! ❤️❤️❤️