𝐎𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐌𝐲 𝐀𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Part 29 ~ The Heart Wants What It Wants

Olivia's Point Of View ~

I must have been dreaming in thinking, hoping and just going around wearing my heart on my sleeve. I guess I just wanted everything between Eric and I to be perfect. Oh God. We were so far from that. I gave him my trust . . my love . . just all of me. Every little bit. When he left before . . I was left broken, completely. And yet I was waiting . . just always waiting for him to come back to me. Ugh. Now . . this time I am angry . . at Eric . . at myself. This love for Eric is gone now. It's nothing. This love is just turning red. He did wrong so many times.

And whenever he did. He always just . . left.

It was always that simple . . that easy for him to do so. 

He didn't even turn around to look back. Didn't even stay to watch me cry. But now, when I turn around to look back . . everything he said . . everything he did was a lie. 

If Eric thinks that I'm lost broken without him . . that I'm sad without him. I feel as if I survived him. And all I want to do now . . is just forget him. Forget it all. That's what my heart wants now. But, can someone take away the anger from all of his mistakes? I used to be afraid to live without Eric so I never once complained . . never made myself get angry in front of him. I was just afraid. And I don't know why I was that way. It just doesn't make any sense to me now that I look back on it. I use to just ignore what everyone told me about Eric . . like they were all lying about him. I would just erase it all away.

Like Michael. 

He tried to tell me, but didn't listen to him. It was all true . . everything. 

Eric only prosed to me because of Michael. Because of jealously. It makes me sick. He gave me the ring . . like making a promise of everlasting love and an endless supply of the truth. That's what such a ring stands for to me . . but Eric no . . He didn't understand that. Tell me, how could it be that Eric still loved me with all his but . . he was heartless? 

Ugh. This love is red now. I'm just . . angry. That's all I am. 

My heart rate has increased. Mum comforting me in the best way that she can. Her loving voice . . comforting advice and her warm hugs makes me somehow see that things may be okay. I take a two hand hold to my mug, my fingers wrapped around it entirely. I have a sip . . and another. My eyes just staring at nothing, really. 

"Olivia, keep your head up . . " Mum says with a small smile. 

I flash her a smile. A forced one that is. Then my attention is drawn back to my hands . . watching aimlessly as my white manicured fingernail of my pointer finger taps gently against the glass of the mug. Making a delightful little song. I'm sad . . troubled you could say. Not about Eric. Ugh, no! no way. My mind is thinking about a certain individual . . a man . . that seems to have completely taken over my thoughts. 

It's been a few days now . . 

Since Michael said those heartfelt things to me. Since I walked away from him . . 

 . . since I broke his heart. 

I'm never thinking about Eric. Not without turning red from anger. I was just so naive. I was . . and I hate that the most. Why didn't I believe Michael in the first place? I have known Michael for 10 years and I only knew Eric for just over a year and we had been on and off during that time as well. I see it now . . the truth that was there all this time. With Eric . . I thought it would last forever and make me so happy to have it all. Turns out, it would of just been a serious mistake. Michael was trying to rescue me from all of that.

"Oliva? . . you okay? tell me, what are you thinking about? . . " My mum asks me. Cutting me gently out of my fierce train of thought. 

"You thinking about Eric, honey? . . " Mums knows the answer but she asks me anyways.