𝐎𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐌𝐲 𝐀𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Part 20 ~ Imprisoned

Michael's Point Of View ~

"Have a good time, guys . . " 

I say, waving them goodbye. Putting on a happy face that is actually very fake. It was Eric that texted Olivia before, telling her that he was leaving work and coming back to take her out tonight. They just left to go and see a movie for the night. That blissfully happy, playful childish man that I was before has now vanished due to Eric's unwanted return. I'm left feeling brushed off all of a sudden . . just like that. He wanted to do something special for Olivia, to apologise to her after being called into work. Well, if he wanted to do something special for her he would just disappear. Never to come back ever again. I hate who I am now that he is back. This hating on someone . . it just isn't who I am. This secret is getting so incredibly hard to hold . . to keep it all to myself. I should just tell her what I have been feeling for her for the past 10 years of us knowing each other. Minutes turn to hours then hours turning into days. I know that I have to do it but I just can't find the right words to say to her. I'm afraid of being rejected, feeling unloved or unwanted. I don't want to look like a fool. So I just have been keeping it locked inside of me . . with only the imagination of Olivia being mine. When I first started feeling this way about her I would just tell myself it was nothing. 

If I was to tell her . . how would she respond?

When Eric left, I should have just told her everything. I just wanted it to be perfect. And she was mourning the fact that Eric cheated on her, morning the loss of her relationship. So, maybe it wasn't the right time back then either. Now I'm still just waiting for the right moment to let her know . . but now with Eric back with her, it seems like it may never happen. Oh God! I don't need anything else but her and her love . . for her to be near me with me holding her and her touching me. I swear everything else can just disappear and for Olivia and I to be forever. 

Just us. Nothing else. 

Each day and night that I have kept this a secret, it kills me. I don't wanna be without her, but I can't be selfish. She's with Eric now. But I always think about what it would be like if I could push rewind and was given the courage to have told her all those years ago. Even before she met Eric. Would everything be the same? Or would it have turned out this way? I just harbour the pain from me not having her. If I could translate everything that I'm feeling in this moment, this is exactly what my heart would reveal. I'm looking for my true love to love me back in such a sense that brings me real happiness . . contented. Somebody set me free from this prison I'm in. It's just making me go crazy, I feel sometimes. I can't even breathe . . I can't even think. Sometimes I can't sleep . . not a single wink. So much to say but I don't know how to speak when my heart can't find home. Olivia . . she is my home. But she's taken now. I wish I could just let her go, I do. But I can't seem to get over her. 

I walk upstairs . . one foot in front of the other. Each step feeling like it may indeed be the end of me. I decide to take a shower . . undressing myself then stepping in, closer the shower down and allowing the warm water to run and instantly soak my body. The bathroom filling with steam . . turning the shower foggy. The water is feeling like it's healing my wondered body. Washing away all my pain from my imprisoned soul. I wet my hair, my shoulder length curls saturated. I squirt some conditioner in my hair and begin to scrub it clean, rinsing it off. I take the soup, cleansing my body all over . . when I realise something. 

I'm hard. 

I let out a soft sigh. Knowing that my mind is thinking about Olivia and . . he always responds. I have no choice but to sort this problem out. I slowly graze my wet, soapy hand down my stomach, looking down at myself and watch as my fingers wrap around him very gently. I begin to move my hand up and down my rock hard length. I start off at a slow pace then going faster and faster. I moan softly, closing my eyes from the unbelievable feeling of pleasure that I'm experiencing right now. I place the palm of my other hand on the cool shower wall in front of me, bracing myself . . giving myself much needed support. I lean forward as I start to speed up. My breathing increasing dramatically. 

"Ahh Olivia . . yes baby! hmm . . " I moan out breathlessly. 

I can't help but to think of her in such an erotic moment. Imagining Olivia on her knees before me . . naked and soaking wet herself. Taking care of this problem for me. The image of her small, wet hand running up and down my length has my heart racing . . her mouth wrapped around him. Her gorgeous green eyes looking up at me as she gives me this beautiful pleasure.

"Yes baby . . Olivia . . Olivia . . keep going. Faster baby . . " I pant. 

I moan out her name repeatedly as I realise . . damn. I hold my cock in my hand, watching my cum just rush out of me, as it trickles down my fingers. I lean my forehead against the cool shower wall in front of my shaking frame. I open my eyes, my vision is blurry. My breathing is fast as I stand still for a few minutes to recover. Feeling a droplet of water running down my already wet cheek . . it's just the water from the shower.

Wait. 

It's from me . . my eyes. I'm crying. I wipe the tears away quickly, regathering myself. Will I ever have Olivia like that again? Will she ever be with me? Will I ever get to make love to her again? Even though it was always just casual . . to her. To her it was nothing more. But to me, it was always much more to me than that. Now that Eric has came back to re-claim her. Someone that he left heart broken. I have lost having that with Olivia. I may never have that again and that scares me. I hop out of the shower, drying myself off. I change into a pair of black pants and a button up white shirt. I put my damp curls in a messy ponytail. Walking over to the bed and falling down onto it. I'm lying on my back with arms behind my head and legs dangling off the end of the bed. My heart feeling so heavy. I feel like I'm being held in a jail, but my head is my prison cell. It's just constantly thinking about Olivia and what we could have had and now . . it's just gone. I hear the front door open. The sweet sound of Olivia's voice makes my heart increase. I smile. I hear Eric speak, immediately making my eyes roll. I feel as if I can't really face her, not after what happened in the shower just moments before. I switch off my bedroom light. Leaving the room to turn into darkness that now matches my mood. I lay on my back in bed, listening to the expressions of laughs and exchanges of thought about the movie that was chosen to be viewed tonight. I close my eyes and drift away from this painful feeling that is called love.

to be continued.