Self Destruction (a Josh Ramsay fan fic)

Chapter 1

*Warning Triggering*




Alexandra's POV




I stumble through the hall, leaning on the doorway to stop myself from falling and decide to stay leaning against the doorframe of Meghan, my best friend and band mates room. I can feel the high starting to wear off and all my problems slowly start to come back in mind.




I'm Alex Brooke. I have long brown hair naturally pin straight with deep brown eyes to match. I'm pretty short, I'm about 5'2, and pretty much a failure at life. I'm 19. heroin addicted cutter. I'm anorexic and blumiric to if you wanna add that to my list of problems. Also I live with my best friend Meghan (Meg for short) after being kicked out of my house by my mom and step-dad. Meg never new the real reason why I was kicked out. I had told her my mom didn't approve of our local band me and her had made. it wasn't a complete lie. my mom did hate my liking in music she always said it was an unstable hobby, but to this day she still doesn't know about our band. So why did I get kicked out? well it was about a month ago...




*FLASH BACK*

*triggering*




"Thanks for super" I call putting my plate in the sink and walking down stairs to my bedroom. 'huh! just like her' I say to myself. wouldn't even waste her breathe to say 'thank you' or 'your welcome' I scoff to myself.




I walk across my nicely clean bedroom, slightly dragging my feet across the white carpet until I reach my bathroom. one good thing about being the oldest of 3 my mom wanted the younger children on the same level as her resulting in me getting a bedroom and my own bathroom in the basement can you say chi-Ching.




I walk into the bathroom closing and locking the door behind me stepping over to turn on the shower, before bending over the toilet seat shoving my two fingers to the back of my throat gaging myself until my super is in the toilet. I then flush and wash my mouth out.




I undress and hop in the shower. the shower was probably my favourite place to be.




I say in the tub as the water hit me at a steady rate burning my skin. I pull out my razor blade from its hiding spot looking over my shredded body for another place to cut. Half my body was covered in scars my thighs and forearms and stomach were covered in little pink and white lines. after about a minute debate I move the blade swiftly over to my left thigh were a small opening was.




I run the blade through my skin and watch it brake the flesh as blood slowly poors out and washes down the drain. I loved watching it, something in my mind loved it in a sort of twisted way.




I repeat that a couple more times, then moved to shaving and washing my hair. I hop out of the shower about 45 minutes later and wrap myself in a big fluffy towel. I looked into the fogged mirror at the reflection starting back at me... I hated it. I was torn from my thoughts when I heard my phone ring. I ran out the door of my bathroom and jumped on my nearly made bed lading softly on the purple and white comforter, searching around the fluffy blinkers until I held up my iPhone. not caring to check the CID.




"hello?" I say




" hey Alex I heard you wanted to see me?" The deep voice responded and instantly I knew who it was.