Self Destruction (a Josh Ramsay fan fic)

Chapter 2

Josh's POV


Everyone leaves and I decide I should get going to and with that I grab my keys from the side table and push through the door and go into my car. I start the engine.


I decide against going home quite yet to go get food since I'm all out at home so I turn my wheel and head to the closest mall.


I turn to the clock 3:20 not bad.


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I walk into the mall keeping my eyes glued to the ground lost in thought before something bumps into me I almost didn't feel it at first but I guess it was enough to knock this girl down.


"Fuck sorry are you alright?" I ask looking down. I was instantly took off guard looking at her. she's really attractive. Pretty brown eyes long brown hair.
"Oh yeah I'm fine sorry." she says quickly and slightly stuttering. Stutter stutter stutter did di di di di did I fuck now this is going to be in my head all day I guess I should blame myself for writing such a catchy ass fucking song.
"Dude I knocked you over I say sorry" I laugh trying to play it off cool. she looks up to me and she looks terrified with pain or something I shrugg it off not knowing what else to do. "Dude" she says starting to get more comfortable but still has the same pain in her eyes as before.


"Yeah!" I say trying to sound proud of myself but it was really lame. "I call everyone dude I call me mom dude" wow I'm kinda failing at talking right now. I laugh a little trying to play off that horrible awkward conversation.


After a few moments it gets awkward. she's still on the fucking floor no duh I think I reach out to help her up grabbing her wrist. but she jumps back slightly scaring me at the fast motion. she instantly grabs her wrist in her other arm and then looks at me the same troubled terrified pained look still in her eyes. it took me a few seconds but then I kinda put the pieces together I look at her with sympathy not knowing what else to do.


She looks back to the floor quickly and scrambles to her feet running away now on the verge of tears.


It takes me a few seconds to get myself together and quickly decide to go after her. 'she looks so pretty why would she do that to herself.' I kept asking myself that question as I kept running after her.


"Wait" I call after her but she's already gone. fuck she's so short how could she out run me. I kept looking for her for about five mins before giving up. I walk home not even bothering with food. why am I so upset with this I think to myself as I sit in my car in the mall parking lot. 'she's just a girl why do I care so much' I felt so guilty that I couldn't find her when I saw the look in her eyes I just wanted to hug her help her out anything to make that pained look go away.


I sigh and turn the key bringing the engine to life. I go around Vancouver slightly hoping to see her and just help her some how even though I know that will not happen what would those chances be not in my favour.


I give up sighing and pulling into the nearest parking lot it's not dark I look up to see where I am and see a Starbucks guess ill get a coffee then head home I sigh and walk in.


The second I walk in I see her looking bored as ever I don't know what to say so many cassesonarios(sorry I can't spell) played through my head all day but none prepared me for this one. I wonder why I couldn't shake her from my head all day t was weird, I just couldn't stop replaying that moment I looked into her eyes over and over again.


"Hi welcome to Starbucks what may I get you?" She asked not looking up. "ehhem" I cleared my through getting her attention she looked up and instantly looked terrified. I can't just question her straight up what should I do ugh think. ummmmmm "I'll get a medium latte please" I ask smooth note my sarcasm "umm sure what's your name?" she asked still nervous "josh" I say wait why did she need my name I'm the only one here whatever.


"Ok" she said heading in to the back seconds latter coming out with my latte "3.92 please" she asks trying not to make eye contact I give her the change grab my cup and go to leave 'wtf dude do something u can't just leave' a voice in my head said I guess it took over because I turned back around "why" my voice sounded so broken and I could barely speak, nice. "why what?" she asked god I hate girls who play dumb but it didn't bother me when she did for some reason.


I grabbed her wrist and slightly pulled up her sleeve she tried to pull back at first but to no use as I have a grip of steal!


I pulled up her sleeve revealing each and every scar some fresh and new each braking my heart as I saw more and more by rolling up the sleeve some more and saw it. I gasped slightly as she looked up to see why I had gasped she quickly pulled away looking ashamed and rolled her sleeve down she moved to wipe the counter as I still stood there frozen god I don't know what to do. Those were fucking needle traces!