Secret Love

Chapter One

Kaycee Caldwell

My phone chimes one more time signaling me Justin has sent me another message.

"I love you." He writes. I don't take more than one second to reply with an "mhmm."

It's not his fault. It's not his fault that our relationship is so fucked up. I was in the bakery earlier today when "E! News" came on and stared yapping about Justin getting Hailey a new ring and that they're engaged.

I don't know if it's because I was having such a bad day or the fact that I haven't seen him in days that made me so mad. Everything about the stupid news irked me.

I know it is all fake and I know it isn't Justin who actually bought the ring, but it upset me so much.

I didn't expect him to be at my apartment when I got there. Seeing him there brought back all the angst and anger I felt. I said things I didn't mean which caused him to say things that he didn't mean back.

***

"Why are you here?" I remember asking him the minute I walked into my house.

"What do you mean, baby? I'm always here when I'm home." He smiled up at me.

"Really? I thought your home is with Hailey." I retorted back impulsively.

"Come on Kay. We've been over this. I have to make it look like we're actually dating. I had to stay at her apartment for one night. That's it." He explains as he walked towards me to caress my cheek.

"Have we been over it Jay? For the past three fucking years I've always felt like the second choice because of this stupid fucking deal!" I yell, letting his hand fall off to his side.

"That's not fair Kay. You know-" he begins.

Walking to the door I turn my back towards him, grab my keys and say, "Fair? Who are you to know what's fair and what's not? You're not the one who is constantly having to reassure them self that there is still hope for this relationship, Justin. You're not the one who wakes up in the morning to an empty bed because her boyfriend is sleeping in another girls bed to make the 'deal' seem real. When you feel half the shit I feel Justin, only then can you teach me about what's fair and what's not, but right now you have no right to fucking tell me what's not fair."

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel someone wipe the tears I didn't even know are running. He hugs me tight and whispers, "I'm sorry Angel. I'm sorry for this."

Kissing his shoulder I close my eyes and take a deep breath, "It's not your fault. It was me."

Looking him in the eye, I wrap my arms around his neck, "I've just been so stressed with work and the bakery then hearing 'E! News' talking about you and Hailey being 'engaged' made me go off."

Kissing me in the lips, he looks me in the eyes while caressing my cheek, "I didn't get her the ring babe. You know that right?"

Nodding, I lean into his warm hand, "I know. Did her manager buy it and make her wear it after you guys went out to dinner to make it look like you gave it to her?"

"Yeah, I laughed a little though because when I saw the ring I thought about how it's not something I'd even take a second glance at. If I ever bought a ring baby. A ring that was for real and a ring that was for you, it'd look a thousand times better." He explains now taking my hand in his.

"I know this arrangement is hitting you the hardest, but six more months baby. Six more months and the whole entire planet will know that you've been mine for three years."

Smiling up at him you place a kiss on his hand, "I can't wait."

Locking the door of the bakery kitchen I walk out with Justin hand in hand. "You want me to cook for us or you want to get take out?" you ask.

"I'm feeling some sushi. Can we get some?"

"I'll call June and have her deliver some to my house." I say.

He walks me to my car and smiles, "I'll see you at home?"

I nod kissing him one last time. The drive home was supposed to take no longer than 10 minutes but I decided to take the long way. His words kept haunting my thoughts, "Six more months baby."

I felt the tears fall onto the steering wheel because I had no idea if I could wait six more months. Is six months worth not being able to love him freely in the street right now? Am I  willing to feel incredibly hurt watching him kiss another girl that isn't me for six months? Am I  strong enough to hold on to the love he and I have shared for more than three years?

***

All these thoughts scared the living shit out of me because my heart is screaming stay, but my mind's telling me to walk away.