Xavier's Diseases.

Chapter Seven. I can't figure myself out, so how could you? (Alix's POV.)

I can tell you right now that out of all of these stories that you are reading, mine is definitely one of the more positive ones. In fact, there isn't much wrong with me except my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, Conner is an amazing guy. But I think we would be better off friends and that scares me.

So here is how my story starts. It starts at Conner's house. I had come over to help him figure out his homework issues, back when everybody still went to school, you know? I already knew that he wasn't wanting to work on homework. He kept moving forward to touch me and I kept backing up and he got frustrated and this went on for so long. He finally gave up and I felt so bad that I started to cry and apologizing but he wouldn't look at me so I left. I mean, he did eventually forgive me. Probably another attempt to get sex later on when I was ready.

Yeah so, that never happened. I never had sex with him.  I could hardly even kiss him. I wasn't scared to, I just.. I couldn't. The whole thing felt wrong. Or in a way, revolting. I just don't like the idea of different sex organs moving in different ways inside a body. Like, that's gross. Some people say it's just because I was raped. But, even during that I never felt anything but disgusted. So after I was raped I tried it once willing to prove to myself it wasn't just that I didn't want him. It wasn't. I couldn't even bring myself to even fake moan. So naturally he got pissed and pushed me off of him. I didn't apologize. I didn't need to. It wasn't my fault. I didn't know at the time what was wrong with me. So if I didn't know myself, what right did he have to know? None. I didn't care that he was pissed.

So anyway, Conner was amazing and all. But he soon figured out that I wasn't for him. I never gave him what he wanted. I knew that he would leave soon. Just not for the reason he did.