Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Another city, where we're mostly spending our sight seeing staring at the inside of a venue. Not an inch of snow had touched the ground, but it was freezing outside. The weather had to have been the only reason I was happy to be stuck inside. I was starting to get cabin fever from days upon days of this repetitive cycle; Wake up, throw on makeup, do the meet and greet, perform, shower, sleep, repeat.
Though my less than superb health made it difficult to keep up, this pattern was wearing on Ghost much worse than me. He breaks a smile for the fans. Underneath it all, I could see he was dying. I didn't know what to say to make things better for him. We just don't tend to talk about it. By "it" I mean him. Even saying his name leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Once we had signed the last poster in the pile and taken the final pictures for the day, we were back to just us. I love the fans but there's so many things I wanted to say to Ghost. What am I thinking? Even if we weren't doing the meet and greet or a show, I wouldn't say those things. He went off into a corner to check his phone. The others disbanded, off to do their preshow rituals.
"Ghost?" I called his name anxiously. He looked up at me, waiting on me to say anything. I felt frozen every time his silver eyes struck me. "I was going to run to the Wholefoods down the street. Do you want to come with?"
He hesitated for a moment as his phone dinged. Ghost looked down at the screen, frowning when he saw whatever the notification was. He locked the screen and put his phone in his back pocket as he got up from his seat.
"Sure. Chris drank all my Naked Juice this morning." He puttered a laugh.
I smiled and mentally patted myself on the back. I've been trying to find moments to get him alone since tour began. Ghost hasn't been himself. I've noticed it on the bus, but I haven't found a chance to see his behavior without the others around. Something was obviously bothering him today more than any other day. How to ask him, now that becomes the question.
We walked out the backside of the venue as to not run into any fans. He and I didn't have much time. Once doors open, he has to be back to run the WornDoll table. We've got maybe a half hour. Luckily the Wholefoods was right around the corner. Ghost made an audible sigh because his phone was ringing. He pulled it from his pocket and saw Keri's caller ID. Ghost hit decline, much to my shock. He knew I saw and simply flashed a forced smile.
"It's not like you to not want to talk to Keri." I prodded as I opened the store door for him.
"Thanks." He murmured, "I, um, I just don't feel like talking to him."
I raised my eyebrow, "Really?"
He sighed, "Yeah."
Ghost adjusted his jacket on his shoulder. It's typical of him to shell up. I used to know how to open him up though. Recently, none of us have known how to pry things from him short of using a damn crowbar.
"Is everything okay?" I asked lovingly.
His eyes stayed glued to the floor. A moment passed, in which he had to search for his answer. "Yeah." He mumbled, "Um, it was my grandpa that was texting me while we were at the signing. My grandma isn't doing well again. They don't think she's going to get through it this time."
My expression fell. "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. You know if you need to leave tour, you can. I can play your parts and Ryan can pick up my slack-"
"Ricky, it's okay." He responded, "I'm not going to leave tour unless it gets too bad. It's just hard for me to think about, a-and... Can we just change the subject?"
"Of course, anything." I paced down the isle of Wholefoods, not knowing where exactly to go.
I mean that in more than one way. What we needed here, that was a bit of a mystery because the other dumbasses didn't give me a list. And where I'm supposed to go with our conversation, that was even harder. When Ghost gets upset, the majority of the time it's either his dysphoria or his asshole of a boyfriend. This though... This isn't something I can make him feel better about.
This isn't the movies, ya' know? His grandmother isn't going to make a miracle recovery. She is in her nineties, if I remember right. Realistically, she probably will pass, and I don't know what that's going to do to Ghost. That's the only mother figure he's ever had in his life. I wanted to know what was upsetting him, but now that I do know, I kind of wish I didn't. Not knowing would have been better than knowing I can't help him.
"Um," He sighed, "So, how's living with Ryan been?"
I stifled a laugh, "I think it's been more of a journey for him than it has been for me. He's pretty regimented..."
"Whereas, you do everything by the seat of your fuckin' pants." He teased me.
"Yep." I replied, popping the 'P'. "Not to mention that I talk to myself so much when I'm alone and he doesn't let it go whenever he catches me."
Ghost cracked a smile, "I think it's cute."
He does? I grinned as my eyes caught his for a split second. Cute. I don't like the word "cute", but somehow it was okay coming from him. Between the two of us, he definitely is the cuter one, honestly.
"I wish Ryan thought so." I spoke through a sigh, "Do we need more oatmeal?"
He shrugged, "Josh is the only one that really eats it and it's his fault that he didn't come."
"Someone's salty today." I teased. Ghost rolled his eyes, not finding it as funny. I frowned, "Hey, I'm sorry. I know you've been going through a lot lately and I want you to know I'm always here for you."
Ghost leaned himself against a shelf. He closed his eyes for a moment, allowing silence between us. Well, I wouldn't call it complete silence. On the store radio, there was some old Daughtry song. I swear that's all I ever hear when I go into stores... It fit so beautifully over the moment though. I'd find anything Ghost did as gorgeous. He took in a breath as he opened his eyes.
"It means a lot to hear that. I never thought in a million years I'd have one person to lean on, let alone six." He said.
"Hey, don't count out Korel." I joked.
His lips remained straight as he mumbled, "I was counting Korel... C'mon, we should hurry and get back."
Well, I knew things were usually on the rocks with him and Keri... But fuck. I guess I underestimated myself when I said he was salty. Ghost began to walk a little faster through the isles and I hesitantly followed. Something tells me the rest of tour won't be easy for either of us.
☾•☽
Hi hello! Please be nice enough to leave some comments of what you thought and possibly some votes? c: I would really appreciate it!
