Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The hospital waiting room is a place that will make you want to die. It lacks color or life. Usually you won't be here for happy reason either. I mean what good things ever happen at hospitals? Babies being born, but that's about it. It's always tragedies and you can feel it in the stale air. I attempted to eat a little from the vending machine but my appetite was ruined the second Keri showed up.
I'll give him this; At least he showed him. Why though? He doesn't actually care about Ghost. He just has to make it look like he's a good boyfriend. I give it two hours before he's posting about this on Twitter to milk sympathy from the fans. Keri was brutish in the way he looked. He had long hair but never bothered with makeup. Aside from the long hair, he was a man's man. Not some goth fag like me. (I'm kidding by the way, I enjoy being a goth fag)
He sat down beside me but said nothing. I shot Chris a text to let him know what was going on. After some time, the nurse said Keri could go see him. Unfortunately I wasn't family so I was stuck here for a bit. Chris told me he would let the others know what happened. Good because I wasn't up for repeating it multiple times. I just have to relive it then.
I know Ghost was depressed from his grandmother passing. He's still a strong spirit though, or so I thought. Keri has broken him. I'd hate to think that yesterday drove him over the edge but it just might've. In a weird way, it feels selfish to take blame for someone's sorrow. Do I really matte that much to him? That our fight could've been the tipping point for him? I have no clue anymore. Not just about this, but with everything. I don't know what to think.
Eventually I was aloud to see Ghost. He was still asleep when I walked in. That was for the best, honestly. I'm sure he's still upset with me. I set a vase filled with flowers on the counter for him. There was a card in it too. Just a short little note. I hope that Keri doesn't fuck with it. This actually did seem to upset him so I don't think I have to worry about that.
To see Ghost this way was so heartbreaking, I thought my stomach was going to come out of my throat. His wrists were bandaged up. An IV was in him too. I was told he barely made it through this. Not only did he cut himself, he took sleeping pills. If I hadn't found him, he probably would've either drown in that bathtub or bled out. Either way he obviously actually wanted to die.
You know, there's some people that will attempt suicide in attempts to feel alive. Others just cut to release the pain and accidently go overboard. This wasn't that though. Ghost was planning on actually taking his own life. Never in my life did I think I would say that sentence. I never thought it could get this bad.
While he was still sleeping, I leaned over his bedside and gently kissed his temple. Surprisingly Keri didn't jump me for it. He did shoot me a look but even that asshole knew it wasn't the right time to start shit. It was hard to keep myself from crying. A few tears managed to slip out.
"I love you." I whispered, even if he wouldn't hear it.
It was best I left before he woke up. I must be the last person on earth he wants to see. I was worried about leaving him in Keri's care. Thankfully just as I was collecting my things, Ghost's dad walked in. We shared a look of knowing. Just, knowing. It was that shared sorrow. Without a word, I excused myself from the room. He needs his space and I want to be back home.
☾ • ☽
I closed the passenger door as I got in Ryan's truck. It was late now, considering the flight from LA to Scranton is one of the longest flights you could take in the US. I was tired from all the travel and didn't manage to sleep on the plane at all. My mind was too preoccupied to even bother with sleep.
"You okay?" Ryan asked solemnly. Sleepily, I looked over at him. My words were lost in a sea of loneliness. He took note of the novacain in my eyes and took the car out of park. "Let's just get home."
"Yeah." I barely managed to say.
I sunk down in my seat and gazed outside. It was a lot different than Los Angeles. There were actually green plants and trees. The highway moved too, which meant we could get home quickly. I was happy for that. Once we reached the house, Ryan turned off the car. I wasn't in the mood to move. My muscles were just done with life honestly. He grabbed my bags from the backseat and headed in the house.
We park the truck outside because we use the garage as work space. The fireflies were dancing about. They were so beautiful yet I couldn't force myself to find the beauty. I was drained. Again, think how selfish I sound. Ghost is the one in a hospital bed. I miss him already and I wish he was here to watch these small bugs dance with me. It was romantic but I was left without anyone to share my heart with. My broken heart.
