The Choice

The Beginning

The sound of hell that is my alarm goes of at 6:30. Why? I think to myself. Why do I do this everyday? Why do I wake up, go to school for seven hours, come home with anther two hours of homework, go to sleep, and do it all again the next day? It just seems pointless.
After I finish my two minute rant with myself, I drag myself out of bed to the bathroom. I feel the coldness of the black and white tiles littering my bathroom floor, as I make my way to my sink. I brush my teeth and hair, wash my face, and I'm back in my room deciding what to wear. I end up choosing black skinny jeans and a flannel for today's visit the the place that doesn't teach you real life skills, just the "important" stuff like trigonometry.
I walk downstairs in no particular rush to get to school. I grab my keys off the counter and head out the door into the car, my parents already being at work. Once I'm in my car I sit with my hands on the wheel, keys not in the ignition. I do this most days, sit for a few minutes to relax, get my anxiety down. Once I know I'll be okay for the rest of the day, I start the ignition as my phone buzzes twice. Two texts. One from Jacob, the other from AJ. I know what you're thinking, no I'm not one of those girls that all the guys fall for and has them begging for me, I'm quite the opposite actually. Jacob Newman has been my friend since kindergarten, and the first person to really understand me. But the summer before 6th grade, Jacob moved across the country to North Dakota. We still talk almost every day, but I have a friend that understands me just as much, maybe even more that goes to my school. AJ Jones. He's been my best friend since Jacob left. Me and AJ have some much in common, he knows me better than I know my self, we're inseparable, and I couldn't ask for a better friend. I just wish I didn't have a massive crush on him. Of course, the stereotypical "guy best friend crush". But I mean, he doesn't like me back, so I just push the feelings to the back of my mind. When I arrive, AJ is leaning against the flag pole, talking to some girl from our history class. My heart drops, but I try to not let it get to me, he doesn't know how I feel so why shouldn't he talk to other girls. I look down quickly and check my phone to read the texts. Jacob said "Good morning. How are you?" Typical Jacob, worried since he's not always with me. AJ said "See ya at school." Yup, that's the extent of my communications with my two best friends. They don't know each other, but they know that the other person exists.
I open the door to get out and AJ looks over at my car, a look in his eyes saying "Help Me!!!"
Ah hah, so the girl started the conversation! I rush out of my car and walk up to AJ and kiss him on the cheek, and look at the girl. She quickly looks down at the ground, and walks away. Me and AJ burst out laughing. We always do that, save each other from everyone else.
He walks me to my first class, and I'm walking in the door when the first bell rings and I look back to see AJ sprinting to make it to his first class before the second bell. Idiot, I think. Everyday he walks me to my classes, and everyday he barely makes it to his own classes. We don't have any classes together this year, which doesn't help the anxiety I already get just coming to school. He asked me if he wanted me have him change classes, but I strongly opposed. Inside I was dying to scream out yes at the top of my lungs, but I told him no because I need to learn to keep my anxiety under control, by myself now.
I walk into my first class, history, as the teacher settles us down as I take my seat in the back. She tells us about a project that we're working in partners for, and my heart stops. The room starts to spin and suddenly my breaths are short and fast. I ask to be excused to the bathroom, and she lets me. But before she can say yes, I'm out the door running to the bathroom. I burst through the bathroom door into the nearest stall. I sink down against the wall, tears streaming from my cheeks. Yes I know it's a small thing, working with one partner, but with anxiety, there is no such thing as "small."
I'm in there for what must be 20 minutes, because soon there's a knock on the stall door.
"Madaline?"
Crap, I think, the principal Mrs. Thompson.
"Yes?" I reply, hoping she can't tell I've been crying.
"Madaline, are you okay in there? You've been in there for almost 20 minutes"
"Yes, I'm fine. Think I just had something bad for breakfast. I'll be out soon" I reply, hoping she'll believe my story.
"Well, alright. Just let me know if you need anything", she says. She tries hard to help her students, she's a good principal, and probably the nicest person here to me besides AJ.
I sit for another 5 minutes until the shaking that took over my body subsides, and I walk out of the stall to splash some cold water onto my face. I take a deep breath as I dry my face off, look in the mirror, and walk out the door. As I make my way back to the room, I'm in no particular rush to return, so I walk slowly down the halls, noticing every flyer and every poster plastered on the cement walls that make up the school. When I approach the door, I stand outside for a minute, recollecting myself and preparing myself for what might come next. I walk in and quickly make my way back to my seat, where there's a folded piece of paper on my desk with my name on it. I sit down and carefully unfold it. It read: "Hey Madaline. I know how you feel, anxiety and all. Wanna be partners? I sit 3 seats to your left." I look over and there's a brunette, whom I've never heard say a word, sitting there and giving me a shy wave. I nod my head yes and her face lights up, as if she's just gotten a pony for Christmas. She walks over to my desk, holds out her hand, and says, "Hi, I'm Katie."
I shake her hand, which seems extremely formal, but I brush the thought away and respond, "Hi. I'm Madaline"
"I know silly," she says with a giggle and a small smile on her face. "I was in your classes last year, and I knew you were shy, so I didn't want to bother you. Guess the logic I had last year is gone," she says with another giggle and an even bigger smile.
"Oh, um, alright. Let's get to work. So, what's this project even about?" I say, letting the corners of my lips curl up just the slightest bit. But she sees it, and her smile widens. I give in, I can't help but giggle. I feel like I'm in kindergarten, not a care in the world now and giggling at the little things, goofing off with a friend. Oh my god, I made a new friend! At least, I think she's my friend. I hope she is. AJ will be proud. We're polar opposites, him being cool and popular and well liked, but down-to-Earth enough to not forget about me. I'm shy, not many people know me, and again the anxiety plays a big role.
Katie starts to talk about the project, and what we have to do, when the bell rings. I smile at Katie, and walk out the door to my locker. AJ is waiting at my locker, rummaging thorough it looking for gum, or food. But it's okay, I do it to his too, so we're even.
"Hey, how was Wheeler's class?" AJ asked with some concern in his voice.
"Um, good," I say, not mentioning the anxiety attack, or Katie.
Before he can say anything else, I grab my books and quickly walk away.
As I'm walking away I can hear him call my name, even more concern in his voice than before.