THIRTEEN FOR DINNER

Thirty six

THIRTY-SIX

       Some weeks drag along and some speed by; unfortunately my last week here has sped by. Last month when I arrived in 1859; my biggest fear was being stuck in this time, never being able to return home again. Today my biggest fear is leaving. It’s funny how time changes things. It really does. Given time, and certain knowledge our perspective becomes different. What I thought was the direst  circumstance of my life, has suddenly transformed to the best thing that could ever have happened to me. This only proves that the bleakest hour of your life can become the defining hour if you stare fear in the face and call it out of its hiding place.

            Quillan told me love damages fear. He’s right. I think love gives you the courage to face things and when you do, you become powerful. Emily’s love for Lunar gave her the courage to aid the oppressed, her efforts in the Underground have helped so many; and Lunar’s courage to stay here, and not run off with her, will make a big difference in the lives of his people.

            Mr. Faulkner’s love for Emily gave him the courage to take a rare stand allowing him to walk a new road, a better path. I have a feeling things will change for the good around here on the plantation.

             Quillan’s love for me gave him the courage and strength to fight off five men, putting the man in jail who spear headed the legendary attack on the estate, hung his father and raped his mother, therefore killing him in the womb and destroying Emily to the point of taking her own life. Yes, that’s what happened that fateful night on September 16th 1859. Quillan told me the details of that evening, last week, when we sent Slimy and his cohorts to jail.

            My love for Quillan gave me the courage to face my circumstances and try things I never thought were possible for me to achieve. My love for him also gives me the courage to leave tonight and face the future without him, because I will know he got his chance and lived and walked this earth. Tears well up in my eyes at the thought, love may damage fear but it still hurts like hell.

            Elizabeth is running around like a chicken with her head cut off this morning, barking orders at Pearl and the other house slaves. Her constant whining and bickering at the help has everyone on edge so I slip from the house after breakfast and head to my favorite spot. I toss a flower in the water where Hope lays sleeping and wonder if word ever made it to her mother that she wouldn’t be coming. I catch my breath at the thought, realizing what I am to face less than twenty four hours from now and I wonder if there is any word about my mother waiting for me.

            The garden gate swings open and Quillan enters, his eyes smile when he sees me and my heart leaps as usual but the pain of knowing I leave him tonight, lasso’s it, pulling it down in the pit of my stomach.

            “I have a surprise for you,” he extends his hand. I take it, eager to know what he has up his sleeve my last day here. He leads me to the carriage house where our horse and buggy is prepared for departure. Helping me inside, he informs me we are getting away from the big house for a while and having a seaside picnic. I’m thrilled. There’s nothing more romantic than a carriage ride, especially if that ride is with someone who warms your belly and mine is on fire right now.

            Quillan pulls the carriage to a stop at a beautiful spot on the beach. I’ve been here before, not in this time of course but back home. Usually it’s over run with people trying to squeeze more skin than they’re able, in pieces of tiny fabric. Today it’s abandoned, the only other beach goers are seagulls gliding over the water looking for lunch.

            Quillan lays out the blanket and the small feast he has brought. The food looks delicious but I’m not hungry, the thought of leaving him tonight has my stomach in turmoil and stolen my appetite, so I just nibble on the food, nothing taste good right now.

            He notices, “You’re not eating much.”

            “I can’t eat when I’m nervous,” I admit.

            He tilts his head, “You’re still scared about the dinner?”

            “No,” I say, not sure I should admit how sad I am about leaving tonight. “It’s not the dinner that worries me, I think we fixed that. I’m just nervous about returning home, not sure how it will be.”

            The wind pushes the hair away from his deep gray eyes and I see him looking at me in that reflective way he does that takes my breath away. He takes my hand, “Forget the food, let’s go for a walk.”

            I slip off my annoying heels, actually they’re not so bad, I’ve gotten pretty used to them by now. He keeps his hand clasped around mine and leads me to the shoreline. The tide is out and we walk along hand in hand stopping only to collect a pretty shell when we spot one.

            “Avery, he says after we’ve walked a ways.

            “Yes Quillan,” my heart is trembling wondering what he is going to say to me and hoping my aching spirit can take it.

            “I want to thank you for everything you did this month. I don’t think you realize how much you changed the future.”

            I shrug, “I’m actually glad I was able to help you. To be honest, it was great being a part of it all. I’m glad I got to see beyond the legend and come to know everyone as real people and not some creepy ghost that haunt an old abandoned house.  The place will always mean something different to me from here on out.”

            Quillan stops and turns me around to face him. The wind blows from behind, whipping my hair into my face, obstructing my view. He smiles, “You never were able to get this mane under control were you?” I laugh with him and pull my hair over to the side holding it down.

            Opening his jacket, he pulls out a small brown package tied with twine like the ones he brought to the cave the first day. “I wanted to give you something to remember me by,” He says handing the gift to me. The lump is back and I can barely swallow. I didn’t want to get sentimental. Okay I did want him to confess his undying love, but now that he is standing here in front of me, asking me to never forget him; I think I might bawl like a baby. How could I ever forget him? How could I ever forget the most special time of my life? I do not need a trinket to help me remember the one month in nineteen years when I actually lived.

            “Open it,” he coaxes. I blink back the tears flooding my eyes and look down at the package. My fingers tremble as I fumble with the string. Pulling back the paper I uncover a small velvet box. My heart is racing again and I can barely hold on to the little case.  Lifting the lid I discover a beautiful hand painted locket attached to a silver chain. Intricately painted on the front of the black porcelain jewelry is a shooting star surrounded by tiny diamonds representing the night sky.

            I’m overwhelmed and the tears that are flooding my eyes spill over, making their escape down my cheeks. “It’s beautiful,” I manage to say.

            “Open it,” He smiles.

            Again my fingers fumble at the latch. Engraved inside are the words, Averie Cooke, Quillan Wilson’s perfect dream. 1859.

            I laugh and when I do the dam holding back my tears breaks and I begin to sob mixing my tears and laughter together. Reaching around my neck he fastens the chain then steps back to look. “Beautiful,” he smiles and I can see tears pooling up in his enchanting grays as well. “I know I will dream of you one day Miss Averie, because you found your way in here.” He takes my hand and lays it over his heart and we just stare at each other; how can you find the right words at a time like this? We’ve saved his life but it feels as if he’s dying because I am having to say goodbye forever only to be left with the memory.  To be honest I’m not sure I can survive this and all of a sudden I’m scared again.