Drowning In My Own Mind

1

*Ricky*

I was running, hearing that damned maniacal cackle echo behind me as I ran, not paying attention to where I was running, I was just focused on getting the fuck out of here. I tripped and landed hard, feeling something in my ankle pop. I felt around it with my hands before finding it. At least it isn't broken, I thought, preparing myself to set it. I quickly set it, getting back up and continuing to run. I stopped in a clearing, more angry than fearful now.

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? IS THIS ALL A FUCKING GAME TO YOU? WELL I'M SICK OF PLAYING! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!" I screamed, anger and adrenaline racing through my veins. I waited, finally seeing the cause of these dreams that I've had for years.

"Oh, but Richard," The thing purred, it's voice dry and gasping, "We've had so much fun together." It stalked forward, shadowy masses hiding it's face, misshapen hands reaching for me.

"I'll never let you go. You're fucking mine." It growled, lunging at me.

I shot up, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Dammit!" I growled, wiping away the light sheen of sweat on my face.
Why was this happening? All I want is an answer!

I got up and walked to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. I was paler, my eyes seemed sunken in, and over all I looked like death had beaten me and hell had thrown me up. I turned away from the mirror, turning on the shower and stripping down, once again looking at myself. I could see the edges of my ribs, my already bony hips stood out a little more. I had lost my appetite as the dreams got worse, but now I knew I'd force myself to eat, no matter how bad they were. I stepped under the warm spray, feeling the muscles in my back relax from their tense position as the hot water hit me. I washed off the sweat from the dream and got out, finding a clean pair of boxers and a plain black T-shirt, then a pair of worn out jeans. I didn't have to get to work for another four hours so I just went and grabbed an apple from the kitchen, looking out the window.

These dreams are gonna be the death of me. I bit into the fruit.

I finished and threw away the core, starting the coffee machine up. Chris, my roommate and close friend, wouldn't be up till about seven thirty, so I went and grabbed my uniform, throwing it on before doing my make up and putting in my lip rings, the familiar weight comforting in a sense. I checked the battery on my iPod and my phone before plugging in my earbuds and letting Corey Taylor's voice take over my thoughts in the remaining hours before my job.

-

I walked through the door of the house, pissed off at my boss and just wanting to sleep. I walked up to my room, closing the door and laying down on my bed, absently running my fingers over my arms, feeling scars from when I was about fifteen. It was never my best choice, but I can't really change it now. I did regret picking up a blade and lighter ever, but I guess it made me stronger in a way. I don't encourage it, at all. With having been through that, I try to discourage it. I just rolled over and burried my face in my pillow, trying to sleep, hoping there wouldn't be any nightmares.

*Chris*

Ricky slammed the door as he walked into the house, heading straight for his room. I decided to let him calm down, despite the ache in my chest and the voice in my head telling me to go comfort him. I played a few chords and songs on my guitar until I heard crying from his room. I sat down my guitar, running up the stairs to his room. I opened the door and saw him curled into a ball on his bed, crying in his sleep.

"No! No, don't hurt him! No! No! Stay with me, don't go!" I went over and sat next to him on the bed, just holding him to me.

"Ricky, Ricky wake up. C'mon, wake up. It's just a dream. I'm here, it's me, it's Chris, wake up. C'mon buddy, wake up." I cooed, brushing my hand over his back. He jolted awake with a choke like sound, nearly crushing me as he hugged me.

"Hey, hey, hey. I'm ok, I'm ok, it's alright Ricky. I'm here, I'm not leaving." I told him. He was still crying, tears streaming from his baby blue eyes.

"Shhh, shhh, it's ok, it's over now, everything's alright, I've got you. Calm down, Rick, just calm down." I whispered as he sobbed into my shoulder. I moved to where it'd be a bit more comfortable, Ricky now just shuddering, no tears, just those heart wrenching sobs.

"C-Chris, w-would you s-stay w-with me? P-please?" He asked, and even if I hadn't had a heart I wouldn't have left him.

"I'm not going anywhere." I told him, laying on my side and keeping him close to me, liking the way he fit next to me, almost like a puzzle.