Drowning In My Own Mind

7

*Chris*

Leaning back against the headboard, I sighed. I felt a little guilty for not saying anything to Ricky but I want to be there for him without him worrying about me. Maybe that's a little weird, but I don't want him to see me in a different light; I don't want him to think I'm weak. I hate that his opinion of me matters so much; I've never cared what people think, so why do I care about his opinion? Oh, yeah, I had decided that I fucking like him a fucking lot.

That's your favorite word, isn't it?

"Why? Why do I fucking care so much?"

Because you love him, dumb ass.

I groaned at the rather annoying voice in my head, wishing, not for the first time in my life, that it'd shut the fuck up.

Can't you be less annoying?

No. I'm you, remember? I'm the side of you that knows you're in love and can be loved. One bad experience, no matter how horrible, isn't a guarantee.

I wonder why I always ignore you?

Sarcastic, much? Seriously, though. His opinion matters because you love him and want him to love you back.

I don't believe in love...

Bull-fucking-shit. You've just never been in love. Your relationship with Carlie was lust. Your relationship with Matthew was fear. But this, what you feel around Ricky? That's love, kid. The weird feeling in your chest every time he smiles, the weird shiver that runs down your spine when you touch, that's love. Being happy because you see he's happy, wanting to hunt down whoever's made him cry or hurt him, the fact that you went and found a way to try and lessen his nightmares- you're fucking whipped.

I. Do. NOT. Believe. In. Love.

You're. Fucking. Whipped. Get. Over. It.

'Arguing with yourself is a sign of insanity.'

I've finally lost my fucking mind.

Stop being so dramatic!

Shut UP ALREADY. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!

Why, thank you.You're not exactly a walk in the park to deal with, either.

Great... The hopeless romantic personality is also the fucking asshole. Y'know what? I'm just gonna go to bed.

I flicked the lights off and kicked off my shoes, curling up underneath the duvet and burying my face into a pillow.

*Ricky*

I stood up off the couch and crept down the hall into my room. I picked up the book I had just started reading, one of so many that I'd just bought, my blanket, and a pillow. I curled up on the couch and started reading, getting lost in the false world of a murderer and the account of each kill. As I turned the page, I swore I saw shadows moving in the living room.

It's nothing... Just a mind trick...
I curled up a little more, pulling the blanket up, and focused on my book again.

They're moving again... Shadows don't fucking move!

My breathing was beginning to get uneven, and I could heart my heart pounding already. This wasn't real; the nightmares are just dreams; wake up... Wake up.. Wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP! I couldn't move, and the shadows seemed to solidify, forming claws, an elongated face with features I couldn't make out. It started drifting closer, not even touching the fucking floor!

"G-get aw-way from m-me." You could barely hear the whisper that fell past my lips, and the mass of shadows seemed to laugh at me.

"Dear boy, you know nothing, nothing at all. I don't obey you. I obey nothing and no one!" I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach hurt, the room seemed to have suddenly dropped thirty degrees, and I couldn't control the shivers, both from fear and cold, that were wracking through me. I started whispering a prayer my mom had always said, more for the comfort of something familiar than thinking it'd actually work.

I jumped when something touched my shoulder, basically shooting off of the couch and into a corner of the living room.

"Ricky! Oh, fuck, are you okay?" Gently, as if I might break, I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder.

"Rick, it's just me. It's Chris. It's alright; I'm not gonna hurt you. Everything's okay. You're safe. I promise. Nothing's gonna hurt you." I kept my eyes closed, knowing if I opened them, I'd start crying. His hand wrapped around the side of my face, tilting it to where, if I wanted to, I could open my eyes and see his.

"Look at me, Ricky. Just open your eyes." I couldn't. Even though I could hear his voice, even though I knew it was Chris in front of me, I was scared that when I opened my eyes, it'd be that thing, that God-awful thing, and not my friend.

"Ricky, please... Just open your eyes." I shook my head slightly.

I can't, oh God, I just can't!

I heard him sigh, then felt him tip my head back, felt his breath fan across my lips, and he kissed me.