Drowning In My Own Mind

6

*Ricky*

I woke up with my head on Chris's shoulder.

He stayed... He actually stayed...
I traced the outline of the coffin on his throat with my eyes, wondering what colors he'd fill it in with. I soon found my thoughts drifting to that nightmare last night- or, yesterday, since my phone informed me it was the twentieth. What the fuck did I do to end up having horrible dreams like this?

"Ricky?" Chris's voice was thick and a little rough, still laced with sleep.

"Yeah?"

"You alright? How long've you been up?"

"I'm fine. And probably only ten minutes."

"M'kay..." He fell back asleep and pulled me closer to him, resting his head in the crook of my neck. I laughed softly; I feel like a teddy bear, now. I went to get up and he just pulled me back down. After the tenth or eleventh time this happened, I had to piss extremely bad. Desperate times, desperate measures. I angled my head down a little and bit down as hard as I could on his shoulder.

"AH FUCK!" He shot up and ended up shoving me off the bed. I laid on the floor laughing before standing up and walking to the bathroom.

"Why the fuck did you bite me?!?"

"I had to piss and you wouldn't let me get up!" I yelled, fixing my zipper and walking out of the bathroom.

"Oh... U-uh... Sorry.."

"It's alright, Chris. But next time, don't push me off the bed, alright?" I walked back to my room and grabbed fresh clothes, changing into them and then wiping off and redoing my makeup. Looking somewhat alive now, I went out to the kitchen and started the coffee machine. Fifteen minutes later, I had a cup of the heavenly dark liquid in my hands.

"Did I tell you I love you?" Chris poured himself a cup and leaned against the counter, taking a long drink.

"You're a dork, ya know that?"
"Deal with it, Wiener Boy." He smirked.

"That's the last time I listen to you and Angelo on doing something, Christopher." I rolled my eyes, finishing my drink and setting the cup in the sink.

"Since it's one of my ever so rare days off, you wanna do something today?"

"Yeah, I would! There's a new oddity shop on Maple, we could go there?"

"Yeah." I waited until he had finished getting ready before following him to his car, since he knew where the shop was. A twenty minute ride had us parked outside a small, unassuming store with a simple sign proclaiming it's name in an old style font.

"C'mon, they have some of the coolest things!" I rolled my eyes at his nearly childish enthusiasm but followed him through the shop's door. I took in the different items on display with wide, excitedly curious eyes. There were several animal skulls, a taxidermy raven, wings spread slightly, the light highlighting the purple hues hidden in the glossy black. I saw a hand written Satanic Bible, a book of witch's spells and brews, beautiful glass ornaments, brass, platinum, silver, and bronze trinkets of small animals and symbols. I wandered over to a display case of different crystals and rocks, ranging from clear quartz to an opaque amethyst.

"You were right; there is some cool stuff here."

"Told you so!" He appeared around the other side of the shelf, holding a pair of fused skulls. We looked around a bit more and I found an original copy of all of Edgar Allen Poe's poems and stories. At the counter, there was a guy with angel bites and huge spacers in his ears, flipping through a motorcycle magazine.

"Ready to- oh, hey Chris!"

"Hey Josh!"

"Who's your friend?"

"Josh, meet Ricky. Ricky, this is my friend Josh."

"Hi." I smiled.

"That all for you guys?" He gestured towards the skulls and the book.

"Yeah. It's a really cool shop."

"Thanks." He tapped away on the register.

"That comes out to about $100.00" I pulled out half the amount, laying it on the counter while Chris did the same.

"You guys have a great day."

"You too, Balz." Chris called back as we exited the shop.

"Balls?"

"B-a-l-z. It's his last name."

"Interesting."

"Yeah. It stuck with him, all the way from when we first joined the local kids hockey team." I sat the boxes containing the skull(skulls?) and book in the back seat, climbing into the car and selected a HIM CD off of the dash board. 'Funeral Of Hearts' filled the small space and I sang the words quietly, fingering along to the guitar.

"You wanna go get something to eat?" He seemed to pale slightly at the thought, but nodded.

"Where do you wanna go?"

"Wild Wings?"

"Sure." A few minutes of driving later, he parked outside of the popular sports bar. Walking in and being seated at a table, I looked around, trying to see if there were any games worth watching. Settling on a football game that was playing on a screen above the bar, I idly switched from watching it to scanning over the menu.

"Welcome to Buffalo Wild Wings, I'm Tammi and I'll be your server today. What can I get you to drink?"

"Uhm, I'll have a water."

"Okay. And for you?"

"Water, please." Chris was being pretty quiet. He looked deep in thought, too.

"You alright?" I reached over and tapped his arm.

"Huh- y-yeah. I'm fine..." He gave me a quick, weak smile.

"Okay." I looked over the menu briefly, already knowing what I was going to order. As soon as Tammi came back with our drinks and took our orders, I kept looking over at him. He looked troubled, like he was dwelling on a bad memory.

You never were a good liar, Chris.
I wanted to know what had him so quiet, but knew he'd clam up the second I tried. When the food got to our table he looked like he had to force himself to eat.

"Chris, seriously. Are you okay? You don't look to good..."

"Rick, it's just bad memories. I'm fine, I promise."

"You've always sucked at lying, man. Seriously, what's up? I'm worried, alright? You normally attack a plate of wings and you've barely eaten any. What's got you so down?"

"I... I want to tell you, I really do... But I don't wanna relive that... Just let it go for right now? Please?" The look in his eyes is what made me give in. It looked like he was literally begging without going through the actual actions. It was so pitiful, that look. I felt like someone had just stomped on a kitten in front of me when I saw it.

"I... Alright. But I'm not just letting it go, okay?" He looked at his plate and nodded.

"Okay." He went back to nibbling at a wing. He had finished maybe a fourth of his plate before saying we should get going. The ride back to the house was tense to say the least. When we finally did get inside, I barely kept him from locking himself away in his room.

"Nah-uh, Cerulli. Living room, now." I pulled him into said living room and gave him a 'you're so in trouble if you lie to me' look.

"Chris, really. What's wrong?"

"Stop looking at me like you're my mom... It's weird..."

"Not if you lie to me. Seriously, though. What's wrong?"

"Ricky, it's just bad memories; things I just want to forget."

"I'm just worried..."

"There's nothing to be worried about, Rick. I promise."

"Okay..." He walked into his room and I sat down on the couch, legs folded under me.

I just want him to be happy...