Here Comes The Sun [wattys 2016]

FEBRUARY 2008

FEBRUARY 2008

Alex couldn't bring himself to go to school on Monday so he faked an agonizing stomach ache and took the day off. His mom offered to stay home with him but he managed to wave her off.

He sat in bed all day, hating himself with a surprising intensity he didn't know he had in himself. Actually who was he kidding? Of course he did. It was just that for a few months, he had been so focused on Jem and how happy he was with Jem that he forgot what hating himself felt like. Now it was slamming into him in waves of despair.

He thinks of Jem saying, 'If you're feeling down, call me and we'll watch Star Wars and I'll talk about how great Billie Joe Armstrong is.'

Alex has no doubt that if he called Jem right now, if he asked for help, Jem would answer. He would rush to Alex's house and he would supply Alex with random useless Star Wars facts. It didn't matter whether Jem was mad at him or not- he was just that kind of a person.
Alex draws in a shaky breath.

He stayed away from the kitchen and didn't leave his bed, not even for showering.

Ruth called him later in the day, demanding to know why he didn't come to school. When Alex told her that he wasn't feeling well, she exclaimed, "Oh, really? Were you really?"

Alex doesn't even feel guilty about lying. "Yeah, I was."

"You can't avoid Jem forever, you know that right?"

"I wasn't avoiding him."

"Well, he sure as hell didn't talk about you all day. I mean, I might not be the best at reading people but Alex, you're being really stupid. As long as I've known him, I haven't seen Jem like this."

Alex shifted the phone to his other ear and wiped the sweat off his ear on his T-shirt. "Why? What do you mean?"

Ruth hesitates. "I don't know. Moody. Tired. God, I don't know. Just different. And it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why."

"Uh huh."

"Please talk to him."

"He can talk to me too." Alex says stupidly, sounding like a third grader.

"Alex, come on," Ruth says in a frustrated voice. "Who do you think has fucked up? He's got nothing to say to you."

"And I do?"
"Don't you?"

He had so much to say that he didn't know where to start. It was like trying to explain Shakespeare to someone who doesn't know the English alphabet- he just had no idea where to start. "I guess I do."

"Then just fucking do it. Because I know he's not making the first move and really, you should be the one doing it."

"I guess."

"Yeah. Call him right now, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Good. And Alex?"

"What?"
Ruth is quiet for a few second before she speaks tentatively. "Are you... doing okay?"

Alex contemplates the question. He decides to answer honestly because why the hell not? Either way, there is nothing Ruth can do.

*

Despite his promise, Alex does not call Jem. Jem doesn't call him either, which Alex expected. Jem knew him well enough to know that Alex was chickening out. His mom made him chicken soup for dinner (the irony) and personally tucked Alex into bed that night, brushing his hair out of his face and smiling warmly, the skin around her eyes crinkling slightly, making her look absolutely beautiful. His beautiful, beautiful mother. He felt guilty about lying to her but there was nothing he could do except clutch his stomach and pretend to be in pain.