Daddy's Little Girl

9

It's been a few months... 3 to be exact and I won't say I'm humongous but I've gained some weight and I have a small baby bump. I want to thank the lord I'm not as big as others, I have a diary now since I have no one to vent to. Everyone left me, I barely go to school now because I was already ahead and now I just never feel well. Another thing I want to thank the lord for is my father, ( not like for him being my father) but because he hasn't touched me in so long I was starting to think he found someone else or he actually knows what's happening to me. He doesn't look at me or anything... today I'm having a check up as my "father" says I never expected him to take me to the doctor ever and now I'm terrified of everything. All I can think about his him finding out I'm pregnant and kill me and take the baby, I'm lost. A few minutes later he said he was time to go and we sat in the car in silence, he looked at me occasionally but never said anything. 

When we arrived at the hospital it was quiet and he checked us in and whispered something to the lady. A few seconds after I sat down we got called and I was sent in a room, they said I had to pee in the cup and wait. I've been so stressed and now he's going to know I'm pregnant. I'm not exactly sure if he already knows or is he just checking up on me but I pray they keep this information confidential otherwise I fear for myself and my child, and I'm tired of living in fear. I just don't want to keep living and be afraid of a person I'm suppose to be loved by, not sexual love I mean genuine love. All my thoughts aren't together and I want to cry up and die inside, I'm 14 living with demons and there is no way to get rid of him. I'm stuck in my own world alone. When the doctor came back in I noticed that he wouldn't look at me but he'd always look at him, they were close friends and patient confidentiality didn't matter anymore especially to someone close to him. Nothing mattered to me anymore when the doctor opened his mouth and told my father, "She's pregnant." I looked at him and his eyes was filled with anger and remorse but his face had a more evil smirk.... but me I had a different look. My face was filled with fear not just for me but for my child.

I had no idea how long I've been sitting in the car waiting on him to get out of the hospital because he was "talking" to my doctor, if looks can kill I'd be dead by now. I don't understand what could make you rape your daughter but I've been accepting the fact that maybe I'm just his victim and I can't be helped. If anyone knew pain they could look in my eyes and be desperate to help in a heart beat, but no one wants to help an innocent little girl.  I'm stuck in the arms of the of a man who used to love me dearly as a daughter but started to make love to me like I was his wife. Sometimes I wonder would things still be the same if my mother was here but I doubt it.

When he finally got in the car he looked so pissed, he didn't speak to me nor look at me. I wasn't feeling bad, its just peculiar. As soon as I entered my home I was sleepy and exhausted but hungry as well. I went to the kitchen and fixed some microwave food and was off to bed to pray and hope things will get better.