Traveling the Unknown

Mask

I would say I've reached the point in my life where I no longer sense the feel of living. I'm slowly fading away, yet no one seems to notice. It makes me wonder if anyone out there even really cares. People who care about someone should be able to notice the little things, no matter how hard they try and hide them, like the way I notice my best friend when he gets nervous. His whole face, down to his neck, blooms the color red. His eyes become glassy and he fidgets with his hands. It's times like these, I wish people looked at me like that, like the way I look at them. I crave this. I crave the need to be needed. The current stability of my life would be considered unknown at this moment. I don't know where I stand not of what I plan on doing next with my life. Think of it as being on a long dark road where you can only see the light way at the far end, yet, you are stuck in a pothole right dab in the middle. It seems as though I wear a mask. A metaphorical mask that no one can truly see what is happening just by looking at me. They say the ones that smile and look normally, the ones that seem the happiest, hold the most secrets and darkest past. We are the best actors of the world. The ones who will take everything with them to the grave. Everyone else would be left clueless to what had happened or what was going on. That's how I like it. I don't like the feeling of betrayal. I have felt it once or should I say a million times by now and I have made a promise to myself. A promise to never let anyone else in, ever again. No matter how caring or loyal they may seem because like me, they too could be wearing a mask. I've learned that the hard way.