Let us face it, we have all wanted to go to that one restaurant downtown. That one place everyone talks about because the food is so great but they dont actually know that because theyre all liars and have never actually been there.
However, for those who have been there, lets face it, you want to go back.
What I somehow fail to understand is why. Why would anyone in their right mind want to spend a couple hundred dollars for a steak that theyre just gonna shit out the next day anyway?
Is it not bothersom when you see people that go out to eat- expensive or not, every frickin night of the week? Sounds heavenly, yes. You don't have to cook, do the dishes, clean the kitchen or stare at your pitiful excuse for a table each night. You just go out to someplace new, enjoy the food and the service and then leave. Thats it.
Then you listen to these people. "Your going where with your family over the summer? I sure wish I could afford to go to a place like that.." or, "I don't know how to cook, I would like to learn how though." Oh oh and heres the best one: "Your child has a future? Wow, even with both of us working full time we still can't send our kid to college. Well, gotta go! My husbands taking me to Del Frisco's." (For those of you bums that don't live in Colorful Colorado, Del Frisco's is a money vacuum in Denver. Food tastes great though, I'd definately recomend it if you are visiting.)
Even if it's not expensive, think about it this way: the average teen makes minimum wage, or $7.25 an hour. If they are not a ramen kind of person, perhaps dinner ech night at McDonald's will suffice. Ok, so a cheesburger happy meal costs $2.10. Times seven, cuz yes, there are ACTUALLY seven days in a week, thats $14.70 a week for dinner. Not including dessert, breakfast or lunch. This kid is somehow starving themself while clogging their arteries at the exact same time. Magic. This lovely little cycle is worth two hours of work. Two hours of work just to kill yourself.
Ok, so that's the cheap foshiznit we so generously call "fast food" to make it seem more appealing. But, what about the not-so-cheap stuff? Huh?? What about the good food that actually both looks and tastes edible. No, wait, not edible, like, art. Where is the food so perfectly plated, as if made by Chef Ramsey himself in his God-like cooking majesty of chef perfection? This is the poop that gets me. This stuff is top-of-the-line food from around the world that we pay professionals to cook to absolute perfection so we can feel the ultimate taste and texture of food streaming down our throat into the acidic saliva covered vortex of digesting food. Then by the end of the day, it's in the local sewer. Ok, so good food is art. It's an experience worth experiencing. Tastes worth tasting.
But in the end, what is the point. We eat to survive. So why not just take what we can get and focus on other, more important things. Like videogames. Why waste our money on food? Why do women expect their dates to take them to some expensive place for dinner? Spend the money on roller-blading, or a concert, or even a hotel room instead. Something she'll remember. Because I can guarentee gentlemen, she will remember you falling on your ass at the ice skating rink way more than what that lamb chop tasted like as you stared at your food awkwardly from the other side of the table. Do something you can tell your kids about! Something you can bore them with as they slowly drift off on the couch as you flip through old pictures from the "good old days". I promise it will be better than looking at photos of food.
I hope you remember this guys, but girls, remember this as well. Don't meet your chikas over coffee. Do something fun! Go for a run, talk about your guy, you don't need to be eating to do it.
Obesity is a major issue right now in the US. So why the Helen do we binge on food? In restaurants, outta restaurants. We are always eating. There. Is. No. Point. We are fattening ourselves up for the zombie apocalypse and paying our valuable dollars to do it. Stop it. Please. All of you. It's not worth it. The zombies will get you no matter what and youll probably taste good all the same without french fries from yesterdays lunch running through your veins.
Stupid stupid stupid. We are all gonna die anyway so just stop eating, get off your ass, and go do something productive.
It will not be greatly appreciated by the restaurants slowly losing business each day due to the fall in our economy, but hey, you got to do what you got to do to stay fit and survive. Im sure they'll understand.
