I'm sorry

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TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDE

I was walking down the road.
The city was new to me, I didn't know any places here exept the hotel and stage we were supposed to perform tonight.
I remember the bridge we drove past while coming here.

It'll be fast

I thought to myself and walked across the empty road.

It was foggy, cold and raining abit.
I reached the bridge, my mind was screaming and begging me to jump but I knew I'd have to do something before I could finally be free.

I stopped in the middle of the bridge and took my phone out. It was 5am, no one was around. I dialed the same number I've been calling almost every day off tour.

Ben picked up.

- Hi Denis, Why did you call me?

He sounded tired, I guess I woke him up.

- I just... Look Ben, I love you and the rest of the band. I love our fans but...

It was silent, I was trying to hold back tears.

- But...?

Ben sounded more awaken now.

- But.. I have so much shit going on. The tour just makes it worse because I always have to be on go, I have basically no time to think...

I took a shaky breath and bit my lip.

- I can't deal with my demons anymore, They want me dead and tbh I want to be dead too.

I heard the sheets being moved as Ben got out from the bed.

- Where are you?

He asked.

- It doesn't matter

I climbed on the railing and sat on it.

- Where are you Denis?

Bens voice was demanding. It was quiet again.

- On the bridge

I finally said and bit my lip harder.
I didn't want him to hear me cry.

- The same we drove past yesterday?

He asked and I mumbled an answer 'yes'.

- I'll be there in 10 minutes, don't do anything stupid, please

He opened the door and slammed it shut.

- Don't come here

I said, tears starting to roll down my cheeks.
I heard Ben running and his breath shaking.

- It's going to be too late

I said, stood up and climbed to the other side of the railing, holding on it.

-No it won't. I'll get there and we'll go back to the hotel, I'll make you some hot chocolate and you can talk to me about the stuff that makes you feel like this.

I shook my head.

- Come off the bridge, I'll be there soon.

I just stood there, the rain pouring down faster than earlier.

-Denis!

Ben shouted and I turned to look at the direction he was coming from.

In a matter of couple seconds he grapped my hand and pulled me to the other side.
He hugged me tightly, me doing the same.

- I'm so sorry

He whispered, looking staright into my eyes.

- We can go off tour, I can help you, You'll be okay

He whispered, rubbing my back softly. I pulled away.

- I love you

I smashed my lips against Bens and ran, climbed over the railing and heard Bens screams.

- I love you too Denis, Don't do it!

Too late. I already let my grip go and started to fall, my body smashing into the water that couple seconds ago was so far away.

I started to drift away, I was still awake.

Every part of my body hurt.

I opened my mouth and said the last thing before the pain went away, before all my memories were gone and all that was left was my body, badly bruised and blue from the air loss.

- I'm sorry



A/N
I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS :) ITS BASED ON THE DREAM I HAD LAST NIGHT. LATELY ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT DENIS, INCLUDING ME. HE TWEETS ABOUT "IT NEVER GETTING EASIER" AND IT MAKES ME THINK/WORRIED.
MAYBE HE IS DEPRESSED, MAYBE NOT, WHO KNOWS?
I JUST HOPE HE IS OKAY, ALSO THAT YOU GUYS ARE OKAY.

- DENIS

666 WORDS.

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