Diary I
I don't really know why am I writing down this things. But I guess it was a good idea since I have no one to talk to. (ha)
Let's begin with things that bothering me. Past few weeks I felt myself getting depressed more and more, it's embarrassing really. Sounds like I was a drama queen ,ungrateful brat but hey once in a while I need to admit that I'm not that strong. It's okay to be sad, I need to be sad.
Just sometimes life is weird you know, I can wake up with mountain high confident then as soon as I walk out of my room BAM! I hit the bottom rock within 0.00001 second.
Say I'm a desperate one but I'm telling the truth here. No one even like me tho, like really like me as a person. I don't really mind at first, knowing the fact that I am an strong independent person but wow man, I'm only human too, sometimes I need recognition, I need people to boost my ego. It's kinda aching, the fact that I tried my best to be nice, to be a good person but they never spare a glance. Said I'm selfish I don't care tho, admit it, we all need other people to know that we are there, trying , existing, living. It's the part of ourself, the need of recognition, people caring about us and all. Sometime I just staring at the mirror and asking myself, what did I do wrong? Am I that bad? Did I not deserve any good?
I'm okay with people minding their own business, because apparently me too. But it's kinda hurt when people look at me half eyed, make fun of my inability, even they said it was a joke, hey! Respect my feeling, would ya?
Like domino, most things in life leading one too another, I don't really know what other people think about me, but everytime I did something wrong, they end up blame my ugliness.
"Oh course, you are too ugly for that,"
Excuse me? Did I sign up for this? Obviously no, if I could I prefer living a high class model life in my private mansion so I can kick their ignorant asses, but here I am , I was born this way. They always asked me to be grateful, like really? Then stop judging my life and pointing that I was wrong just because we have different opinions on something.
They keep pointing out how annoying I am, I'm disturbing them. Little they know that their words affected people so much. Lead to depression. I don't really need anything, just...give me a chance to at least prove it. That I'm actually a good human being. Lend me a shoulder because it's sometimes too tiring to up on my own. I'm not always the one to admit that I'm not okay, but deep down I know it's always okay to be not okay.
