Slowly Fading

Chapter 3

"What do you mean Katie?"
"I mean, why are you with her?"
"I love her" he says and I just stay silent and continue to walk and he continues to speak, "she's beautiful, popular, and nice to me"
I stop walking, "she's anything but nice, she's the complete opposite of you. You are all innocent and then she's prolly had sex with all the guys in the school. Including the science geeks!! You don't deserve her. You are so much better than her." Then I speed up walking and walk right past him and turn into the social hallway.

There people rushing back and forth to get to their classes. I shove past all of them trying to hold back my tears. I walk into the room and immediately go up to the teacher, "C-can I g-go to the bath-bathroom" nearly letting all my tears out. He nods and let's me go. I practically throw my books onto my desk and I see Danny walk in with his head down in defeat. He sees me and I make eye contact with him and I see the hurt in his eyes.

Does he even see me crying? Obviously not.
He doesn't care? Doesn't look like it.

I run right into the bathroom and don't even go into a stall before the tears rush down my face faster than Olympic runners.

You're crying already why bother going into a stall? You're a mess.
Will he come and see me? Why would you want him to see you like this?
Can he be my savior right now? He's her savior.
Did I just ruin everything? You gotta figure that out yourself.

"Katerina," I hear Are you ok?"

It's Benjamin.
He's my savior. Well are you just going to let the boy go?
What about Danny? Everything is pretty much down the drain with him.
Was it really that bad? Yes. Yes it was.

"Are you even in here?" He asks

He's still there. He cares? Apparently.

Then I see him walk in and look at me and I  see the hurt in his face. We walks over to me and sits down next to me, and he wraps his arm around me pulling me towards him. I lay my head on his shoulder.

We just sat in silence until a freshman walked into the bathroom. Her eyes went wide, seeing a boy in the girls bathroom. But then she looked at me and saw how much I needed him, "I'll go use the other one" she said and then she smiled.

When she left Benjamin started talking, "So you love him?"
I slowly nodded.
"Why?" He then asked
And I shook my head, then continued the silence.
"You 2 would be good together," when he said this I forced a smile, "too bad he's with that girl"

As he finished saying that another tear rolled down my face

Not a savior. Definitely not a savior. He just made you cry, of course he's not.
I should go back to class. No you shouldn't.
I don't want this. I don't want him here. But you need him.

Then as if he could read my mind he got up, "I should go back to class"

Then he just left. Without any warning or anything. Just left.

I want Danny here. Remember, you blew it with him.
I need him. He has a girlfriend.

Then it just kept going across my mind. Much like relay races. Back and forth. Back and forth.

He has a girlfriend.
He has a girlfriend.
He has a girlfriend.
Danny is with Janette.

Then I decided to get up and look at myself in the mirror. My makeup was all ruined. Concealer everywhere. Mascara and eyeliner stained on my face as if it had just fallen from my eyes.

I'm a mess.

I grab a paper towel and put soap and water on it.

This is gonna feel like a motherfucker.

Then I started scrubbing. I got it off. But it left my entire face red. And there was still outlines from the eyeliner. I just let it be.

I just don't care anymore. Yes you do
I don't want him anymore. You're lying to yourself.

I walk out of the bathroom and there was the freshman who had just walked in on me and Benjamin. She didn't even say anything, she started walking towards me and wrapped her arms around me. And then whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry"

I let go of the hug and just look at her and force a smile.

Then I sigh as open the door of the social class. I see Danny. He looked a mess. I trotted my way to my seat and see that someone had knocked all of my binders over and there were papers everywhere. 

Once I got it all fixed up I sat down in my seat and I opened up my social binder. There was a note.

After class meet me at my locker. I'm sorry.

-Danny

I crumpled up the paper and walked over to the garbage and I threw it out.

Are you going to go to him. Yes. You love him.
No. Yes.
No. Yes.
No. Yes.
What is he going to say? You won't know until you talk to him.
I am hurt. What if he hurts me more. Look at him,
I look at him
He is just as hurt as you are.
But I am vulnerable. So is he.

I never stopped looking at him. After about 10 minutes of me staring he looked up and gestured his head towards the teacher.

"Katerina?"
I jerk my head towards the teacher.
"Can you tell us how World War II started"
"When Germany invaded Poland?"
"Correct"

Then I just put my head down. I just kept thinking.
I think too much. But if you never thought you wouldn't be able to talk to me.
Who are you anyways? Your sister.
But I'm an only child. I died in the womb.
So why do you haunt me? Because I try to help you.
You haven't helped me much lately. You never listen to me.

Then the bell rings. I decide to actually meet him at his locker.

As I'm walking to it I see Danny there talking to Janette. Then he kissed her.

I felt like everything inside me broke. Every little organ. Gone. Every bone. In half.

Nothing worse could happen. Right?
Where are you?
Why aren't you answering me when I need your help? I thought you didn't want me here?
I need you. What do I do? Talk to him.