The Closet Butterfly

What Just Happened?

Over the weekend I refused to speak to Jason and Emily both. I was so embarrassed and scared over what happened I barely even left my own bed. I keep trying to tell myself no one even noticed me and that it wasn't a big deal. Truth be told it was a big deal, Jason tried to have sex with me. He tried to force his drunken self upon me when I didn't want him to. How am I ever going to be able to face him again? The answer is simple, I can't face Jason.

After what happened at the party I haven't been able to stop thinking about Jason. Honestly some part of me liked what happened. At the time I didn't want it to stop and if Jason had been sober, I probably would have let him continue. No, bad Damian! You can't think like that. You are not gay! You like women and, and tits, and, um, vagina. Yeah, you like vagina, those things don't scare you at all!

Shaking my head from my thoughts I walk down the empty school hallways. Today is Monday and I am purposely being late for class. I wanted to stay home and avoid everyone all together, but my parents said I needed to keep my grades at a decent level. So here I am, heading towards my first class, where I sit right next to Jason and Emily.
I remember how on the first day when I got to class Emily and Jason had both silently begged the teacher to let me sit with them. I also remember the teacher saying no and having me put elsewhere. After about one week the teacher caved and had me placed between the two trouble makers. I'm sure its because Jason was begging his dad about it at home or maybe because with me -the quiet kid- sitting between the two it would keep them from talking to each other. I guess the only way to find out for sure would to be ask Mr. Larson.

"Hey you!"

I quickly snap around looking towards where the voice came from. To my surprise I see another student I've never seen before standing down the hallway. Even from a distance I can make out most his details, he was very pale, and about my height. He has short buzz-cut styled blonde hair and very blonde eyebrows, which I can barely see at all, making him look rather scary. He wears his pale blue button up shirt tucked into his khaki pants. He keeps his right hand clenched tightly onto a small bible like his life depends on it.

From the overall look of this kid he reminds me of a Christian kid I once knew. That would explain the bible, but wouldn't explain what he wants me. Or does he want anything with me? I turn side to side looking both ways down the hallway not seeing anyone other than the two of us. Now looking back at the boy -who is still staring right at me- I point to myself in confusion. In the back of my mind I feel like I know he is talking to me but I just want to be sure.
"Yeah you, faggot." He says smiling as he says that last word. As I stand there completely confused and shocked I watch as the boy walks over to me. He stops only a few feet away not saying a word. As we stand there in complete silence my mind instantly floods back to the party. Had he seen me come out of Jason's room and thought we had sex. No, surely not. This kid didn't look like a friend of Jason's and really didn't look like someone who went to any kind of party.

"Can I help you?" I finally ask breaking the silence.

"Yeah you can go kill yourself." He says harsh and firm like. I take a step back with slightly wider eyes. That escalated quickly, went straight from Faggot to kill yourself.

"I'd really rather not." I say pulling the strap on my backpack higher up on my shoulder.

As the unknown boy looks even more pissed off at me I instantly start mentally fussing at myself. You idiot, why did you say anything!? You could have just walked away like the coward you are and possible avoided anymore trouble, but no. You had to go try to be a big shot and give the guy sass!

"Why not? You're going to hell anyway. You and all the other hell spawn like you are going to burn for your sins." The boy says pulling the bible to his chest.