The Undercover Nerd

Chapter 22

Harry's POV: 

My hand was throbbing with pain. The wounds were probably deeper than I had expected. However, the pain hardly interested me ... I wasn't sure what would come to me now. Whether our friendship still existed or if it was all over now, though it hadn't even begun. Furious, I clenched my fists and started making the same mistake as few minutes ago, too, as I noticed how individual shards dug deeper into my flesh. I winced and didn't know what bothered me more, that I couldn't show London who I really was, or that she didn't return my feelings. I was obviously wrong about her. But this time I couldn't use my fame as the solution to all problems, because as soon as London would find out that my real name was Harry Styles, I would have disapponted her even more with all my lies, and I didn't want to disappoint her. I was so sure after she ran away howling, that she exactly felt how I was feeling, but I was, like I said, probably wrong and deeply disappointed.

"Fuck," I cursed and used the accumulated anger inside of me to kick a stone into the distance.

I sat down on one of the park benches. My elbows resting on my knees while my fingers were frustrated sliding through my slicked back hair. The feeling made ​​me mad. I always hated it to wash my fingers, just because this shit sticky gel in my hair stuck like super glue. Only now I noticed that I had left my glasses at London's, it may was still lying next to the deckchair in between dozens of shards. She could do with them whatever she wanted, I will never put this annoying thing on my nose again. Never.

You can never trust fate, or hope that they would soon find out the truth on their own. No, all you need to do is doing it on your own. You had to get your hand dirty. And mine was now smeared with blood and full of broken glass, digging into my skin, drilling deeper and deeper and I couldn't do anything against it, except to wait. Waiting for London so she would remove them... until she would take them away.

It had been a while since I've had the tears brimming  in my eyes, but this time I couldn't suppress them. My Hope, London, had practically said goodbye to me. I had told her some total nonsense, even if I wouldn't tell the one I loved about my identity, she would leave me anyway. I had two sides between which I could choose, but I chose the cowardly way. And I had everything planned out so well, just waiting for the day when I could finally show her the real me. And yet everything had fallen apart...The shards symbolized not only Marcel's end, but also my heart that shattered into thousands of tiny pieces.

"Fuck, " I repeated myself and pulled vigorously at my bonded hair, while the first tear ran down my cheek.

The walls around me collapsed, I had to finally comprehend it. I couldn't ever delude London and I could no longer be someone I wasn't. At least from my appearance, because the inside, my true feelings that London had indeed brought back only, were real. However, it now seemed as if it was all in vain. If I closed my eyes, it felt like nothing changed at all. I was still alone. Except for my family and my friends, I had no one to give me back what I so much wanted to give away. I wanted to give someone my heart, I wanted to give her my heart ... London.

I sniffled, took my hands out of the slippery hair and fumbled with my ring, which stuck on my right ring finger. It was heavy, cold silver. A piece of jewelry that I had put on me a few months ago. It had cost a fortune, I , where I was now looking at it, regretted it. My school friend showed me that I could be happy with the small things, and that these things usually prepared much more joy than any expensive item. But that's what it was ...

Boiling with anger, I slammed my fist on the hard wood beneath me and pulled at those annoying, itchy clothes. Unsuccessful. No matter how much I pulled at them, they wouldn't tear apart. I wanted to get from London, what I could have given her. Love. The easiest thing in the world, but at the moment unattainable.

I stood up reluctantly from my previous seat and walked down the road to make my way back home. I had to take care of my injuries, both visible as well as the ones inside of me that made ​​life pure hell.

***

After I watched what felt like ten episodes of Family Guy, and out inexplicably not laughed a single time, I moved finally in the bathroom to remove the broken glass out of my flesh. I was lucky that Louis knew me so well that he assumed when it would end badly, I would have liked to be alone. Even if I had wanted no one other than London by my side.

What is she possibly doing right now? Maybe she's thinking of me, too, ... maybe ...

No. No, Harry. She isn't thinking of you, but Marcel. Marcel the nerd.

The little light under the mirror in my bathroom gave me the opportunity to look at my wounds. Some already trained for a protective layer, others were still bleeding. In some of them infected more hidden shards, which I carefully removed with tweezers. Sometimes I winced when a glass splinter stuck very deep and I had to concentrate to carefully remove it.

Finally, I was convinced that any foreign body was removed from the flesh of my hand, so I put the tweezers, which were slightly glued with blood, on the counter next to the sink and washed my hands carefully under the tap. While I was drying them with the soft towel, my gaze wandered to the the mirror in front of me. Before me I saw a broken boy who looked like he had been crying for days and trying to desperately focus on the finer things in life, which have now all been invisible. His hair began to slowly curl again, but only at the tips, you could still recognize the shiny substance  at the hairline. From the constant chewing on his lower lip, he had a rough, in some places, bloody lip. The bloodshot eyes searched the boy's body in front of me. Unfortunately you couldn't see his heart, but I knew that something was missing. Something that would conjure him the joy in his face again. He was been such a brave goal-aspiring boy.

London...

This boy couldn't just give up. He had to fight, fight for what he desires most and yet still not received.

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If you'd want to do me one single favor then it would be to become a fan/follower of me!

This chapter was kind of poetic :) 

-Nikolina.x

#TeamLorry