Changing from within

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter sixteen
Changing from Within
A Letter Home

Dear Mum, Dad and Lisa,

I know you are worried for me right now - I am too, but I am okay, as well as I could be. I have found myself in Hogwarts.... twenty-two years in the past! With all of the Harry potter characters as well along with, as I am sure you have figured out, Megan, Hannah, Steph, Katherine, Gregor and Adam. We are doing okay together, despite having no idea how we got here or why.

We got sorted - well duh! but I now know for sure what house I would be in. Remember how I have always been a Gryfferin? Looks like one of those houses won out - Slytherin. And guess what? I am the only one here! Steph is alone in Gryffindor... but that's better than Slytherin... I'm a muggleborn! And I am scared shitless they are going to find out. My life will become a literal living hell! But, I managed to use my apparent Slytherin cunning and not tell them outright what I am... a bloody MUGGLE! They appeared to have believed me... at least I'm still alive, so that's what I'm taking from it!

But... we have managed to start a club already! Only here a week and we have an official dueling club! It kinda started as a paint ball idea and then the Weasely twins came and gave us a better idea. Now we have a whole inter-house game thing! Isn't that so cool? But we had our first 'official' meeting earlier today and Ron Weasely, the mini prick he is... was not happy to be taught by a Slytherin. And so... well, you know what I'm like! I quickly introduced how-

Oh! that reminds me! we are actually like really powerful! Because apparently we have the magical cores we would have had in our actual bodies. So, being in an eleven-year-old body... and isn't that just a strange thing? We have loads more power than we should have... but the power is at an average level for wizard's our actual age. But, we look super powerful and I like it! it's so cool actually being able to do magic! We all cast Expecto Patronum as well! The first time I had Tj, and I got to say goodbye to him, but when I did it again, it was Samson. I told him to say hi to you all from me, so if you got extra kisses and cuddles off him, that's why.

God, I wish I could see you all, I need your advice! I need to talk to you all! I'm making new friends, Tracy and Millicent are great, Daphne is quiet, but that's okay, we're working on her. And Pansy, she already seems to have an infatuation with Malfoy - can you believe it!?

You'd never believe what Millicent is like, though. From the way she was portrayed in the films, I was expecting her to be a female Crabbe and Goyle but she's great! And the first night, after the sorting, she was dissing the hat because it has never been washed and who knows what it has picked up from all the children!? I had to agree with her, as well. Not the most hygienic source.

There's also a fight we have every morning to get into the bathroom first. Just last Tuesday, Millicent moved her bed in front of the door to get in first! So of course, I out a sticky charm on the door, and she couldn't open it, had to leave her bed to go and get her wand, and in that time, I was already in. And just this morning she stuck my curtains closed, and my wand was outside of them, I had to wait until she was finished before she let me out. I'm going to have to sleep with my wand under my pillow from now on. It's all in good fun though, although Daphne seems to think we're being childish... If only she knew!

And talking about needing your advice, what do we do about Sirius? Gregor says we should leave him; we know he's going to be okay. But how can we do that? We know he is innocent; heckl we HAVE the proof! We can free him and get Harry away from the Dursley's. But, as Gregor pointed out, then we would lose our advantage of knowing what is going to happen. Pettigrew wouldn't escape and go find Voldemort. I'm pretty sure Barty Crouch Jr would still end up going to find Voldemort if we did, but if he is looking after babymort, how will they ensure Harry gets to the cup?

But never mind that, Harry is a child! We can't knowingly put him through what he's going to go through! Can't we destroy the Horcruxes whilst Voldemort is a wraith and that'll kill him? But, Voldemort needs to kill Harry to get rid of Harry's Horcruxes which means Voldemort needs to come back which means Harry needs to go through it all.

And I HATE it. I hate being unable to change what Harry is going to go through. All we can do is be there to help him. We haven't even discussed what to do with the Stone yet. We know Quirrelmort will be going for it at the end of the year, and we know the Mirror isn't moved until after Christmas. So I think we will be end up discussing it then, we don't know what is protecting the stone right now. So there is no point going down.

Then we will need to try and lead Harry and Ron away from plans to go and save it. Orrrr we could sit back and just let it all run its course, we know they survive it. They become much closer friends after the experience. If we stop the three of them going through with it, we might hurt their relationship in the future. We could just go along with them. I have a semi-friendship with Hermione already through Steph and after the troll incident... will that even happen? Hermione has two friends already. Ron might not even say what he said, and Hermione won't go running off in tears and they won't have to go save her from the troll... Or Steph and I would go and possibly convince her to come to the feast.

AAAHHHHH! I hate this! I hate knowing what can happen and treading on needles trying not to change things but at the same time wanting so badly to change what I know will happen. But is it morally correct to leave things how they are? In the end, as long as we save as much people from death as possible, we can let Harry, Ron and Hermione go through it all, can't we? We know they survive and they become a lot stronger through it. But... They are CHILDREN! How can we morally allow that to happen? For Harry to KILL a teacher at eleven years old, for Ginny to be possessed and murder the chickens, to lose her first year. For Sirius to live on the run until we feel it is safe to capture Pettigrew. Allowing Voldemort to return, allowing Harry to DIE at his hand. All the deaths Voldemort causes. Can we allow all that to happen because 'in the end' it will all be okay? Are we becoming like Dumbledore? Doing things for the 'Greater good' Does that make us bad people? 

I really wish there is some way to show you this letter. To get a reply. I can't handle all of this on my own! I know the others are here with me... But I feel, well I'm the oldest. I'm the Slytherin, the cunning one, the one with the plans. No one else has really came up with any plans, so I'm stuck trying to find the right thing to do and I can't do it. I can't allow everything to happens it should. But I can't change the future so much we lose our advantage. I know where the Horcruxes are. I could destroy them. Then just wait on Voldemort coming back fourth year. And, what? Tell Harry he has to let Voldemort kill him? Harry will be FOURTEEN years old! Never mind the ritual requires the blood to be forcibly taken. If Harry knows Voldemort needs the blood to come back to kill him so Harry can come BACK and kill HIM, it will botch the whole ritual. And how do we go about saving Cedric? I read a fanfic once where Cedric was conditioned to be terrified of graveyards... that could work, he might survive...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Help me.

Please.

Louise.