Explosions Of Words

Ages

Age 6-7
Hush, let no-one know what we're doing it's a secret.
"If somebody knows I'll get in trouble;
No, I'll tell them it was you! You'll get in trouble", he said.
As he slowly touches my undeveloped body and kissing it and feeling it.
I lie like a star fish as he was humping my body.

Age 8
"You're Soo fat, nobody will like you.
You're ugly and stupid.
You're Soo dark and dark people are ugly.
You're going to be Soo fat that nobody would want to be your friend.
You're such a looser",
I eat less food and scrub my face so the darkness can go away.

Age9
"Listen don't be sad, but you'll never get friends in your life, you're phatetic, she said.
Omg your accent is horrible, nobody would want to talk to you."
I start listening to English music and to 'change' myself.

Age 10

"You're stupid, you're fat, you're a liability.
Nobody wants you.
If you don't want to study, it's okay, we'll stop your education, you can sit at home and we'll get you married."
I blocked my ears and I sang my songs.
For some time

Age 11

"Don't go out, there will be people who want to use you,
How dare you come home at 7? You whore!
What are you wearing?", The disgust in my mothers eyes.
"Go study if not we'll stop your education you can get married now itself."

Age12-13

Facebook, I'm going to make friends,
But those friends were all old people who wanted to talk dirty to me.
Hey if I get caught I'll just blame it on my friend.

Age 14

Got caught, mom disowned me brother disowned me
And I had to stop eveything no Facebook no socials.
"We can stop eveything now, we'll get you married.
Done? Right now we'll get you married."

Age 15-17

I'm ugly,I'm fat, and I deserve no-one.
Study let's pretend to study - I don't want to get married.
But my friend was there through thick and thin and we'd always go to our own world.
I'm not alone, I have her ,she has me and that's all we need.
In our bubble where we would rule the universe.

Age 17-18

She left, my whole world collapses, I am alone once again,
I am ugly ,fat , stupid, ugly fat stupid ugly fat stupid ugly fat stupid.
You'll fail you'll fail
Teacher comes in alright students, the weak students in this row and the strong students in the other row.
Guess where I am? The low rank row.
I want to get out I don't like it. I can't handle it anymore.

Age 19-22
I am ugly, fat ,stupid,I have no one and noone cares.
The concept of marriage is Soo fucked up.
Liability, noone cares , marriage is so they can get rid of you.
Help. I need help.