Amaranthine

Chapter Twenty-One

© Copyright 2011
All work is property of Leah Crichton, any duplication or reproduction of all or part of the work without explicit permission by the author is illegal.

 

Disavowal: (dis-uh-vow-uhl)

disowning, repudiation, denial

To disown knowledge of

 

Hot, vicious, relentless tears poured down my face and blurred my vision.  Orion stood in front of me and ran his hands through my hair. “I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

“What the hell is going on? I was there, in the hospital. How did you do that? Who are you?” I yelled, ignoring the knot stuck in my throat. The walls closed in around me, and the smaller they became, the more my head spun in vertigo.

“Sit with me, okay?” He pulled me down on the bed to face him. I wanted to object, but couldn’t think straight. Every rational thought I ever had about anything was torn away from me in mere seconds. “I’m not exactly who, what you think I am. This was never meant to get so complicated. But from the moment I saw you, I knew it would be so hard. I didn’t think. I never thought…” 

“Never thought what?” 

“Never thought it would be this way. This isn’t supposed to happen. I’m supposed to just do my job, to stop Damien from doing his. I didn't plan for you.”

“Your job? What the hell are you talking about.”

“Don’t you see? The girl, in the bed, that’s you.”

“But we’re here now, together, we’re both here, not in a hospital. I don’t know how you did that but I promise not to tell anyone. You’re like Mona? Some sort of enigma, you’re like a time traveler or something, you can go to the past?” Under the given circumstances where nothing seemed reasonable, it was a reasonable assumption. It was the best I had. 

Orion looked like he might be sick as his mouth formed a deep frown. “You watch too much TV, Tiger. I’m not a time traveler, and it isn’t it the past. It’s now. The present.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You’re not supposed to understand. You’re there, not here. You only think you’re here because I’ve made a terrible mistake.  I wanted to make it nice for you. I knew it would be nice for me. I wanted to make it good, and all I’ve made is a mess. I should have just done it right away. I didn’t need to bring you here, to risk things... to risk everything.”

“Done what, Orion?”

“Kissed you,” he said simply.

“You’ve kissed me lots,” I reminded him.

“Yes, only because you asked me to. But I held back, I always held back. I haven't kissed you the way I've wanted to. The way my nature is begging me to.” His teeth were clenched and his words were strained. “That morning after that first night in your bed, I almost lost control of myself. I almost did it then.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“Remember the girl at the party?”

Recollections of him kissing her played out like a horrific rerun, slow motion, the moment my heart broke. “Yeah,” I said. “Unfortunately, I remember.”

“It wasn’t to be hurtful. I never meant to hurt you. That was Marianne.”

“Why would you think I want to know her name?”