Andy's Story

Chapter Three - Loss

                 

A few days later as Andrea was seated in the breakfast parlour breaking her fast and reading the morning newspaper, an unladylike trait to be sure, that she decided to look at the names of the men presumed dead or who were missing. Just in case she knew any of them or their families.

She knew from personal experience that it takes a long time to overcome the grief of losing a loved one. That death, when it comes, has an irresistible force that no one is immune to. And that feeling at a loss when it comes to coping, especially with the death of those we hold most dear to us, is not surprising. The devastation that rips through you is indescribable.

It was only over time and with the support of her three friends that her grief she experienced from losing her parents was softened. She didn't know what she would have done without her friends.

Although some grief remained it was not the crippling grief that she had experienced when first she learned of her parents deaths.

She was half way down the list when she felt the blood drain from her face and her toast, that was half way to her mouth, fell from her nerveless fingers and cluttered to the table.

"Oh God..." She whispered, her hands coming up to cover her mouth, her green eyes wide with shock. "N..no!... Ja...James." she stuttered, devastation filled her voice, as tears sprang to her eyes.

Her vision became blurred and darkness started to creep slowly inwards.

Andrea grabbed the edge of the table to steady herself. Closing her eyes tightly she saw small silver flashes before her closed lids, and felt tears sliding down her cheeks.

She forced herself to take deep breaths.

Opening her eyes, she still saw the silver flashes - they were shooting in from the edges of her vision - but the encroaching blackness had gone.

She reached for her cooling cup of chocolate and took a fortifying gulp. And then another.

She sat for a long time staring blankly at the newspaper in front of her.

He was dead.

He wasn't coming home.

She wasn't getting married.

All the planning that she had started - it was for nothing. It would never get used now.

When she was able to stand, she left the breakfast parlour and headed for her room.

"Milady, are you all right?" Someone asked her, and she numbly nodded her head.

She was okay. She would be okay. She could deal with this, she could! She kept telling herself these things over and over again, as she started up the stairs.

"I'm just going to lie down for a bit, no visitors today." She told the servant, not looking back. She wouldn't be able to cope with that too.

It was as she was climbing the stairs that she remember the words from the man at the ball 'My condolences on your loss,' he had said. Shock ripped through her again and she reached out her hand and grabbed the bannister to steady herself. The blackness from before starting to close in again. Again she forced the blackness back and keeping a steadying hand on the bannister she continued on her way, she had to get to her room before she collapsed.

Had he been talking about James, not her parents as she had supposed?

Had he known that James was dead?

How could he have known? The newspapers were only just reporting it now.

Did he work for the government? Is that how he knew?