Darkness

**TRIGGER WARNING**

If you didn't read the description then you need to read it here. This is speaking out to those who have depression, who self-harm, who have suicidal thoughts. People like me.

So if there is a chance you may get triggered, do not read this. I do not encourage self-harm and people who are my babies, I don't want you too.

I just want to send a message to those who don't experience depression. To show how serious this really is and to never mock it.

Skip to the next chapter, it just might cheer you up.

~*~

Walking home from the bus stop with my music blasting through my ears buds; Panic! At The Disco.

You have to do your Spanish homework.

You have to work on your biology project.

You have to finish your online classes.

Processing in my head that I'm determined to do it, I need to get it done.

My house comes into sight and I notice no one is home, which isn't unusual. I drop my book bag off in my room and I think of eating a snack, but just the thought makes my stomach churn. I shook it off and walked to my room.

You have work to do.

But my mind always wins, it wants me to be alone in the dark. I looked at myself in my mirror and just stare. Comments fill my head as I looked at myself.

Why do you always wear that shirt?

Why do you have an attitude? I didn't do anything to you.

I shook the thoughts from my head, but they continued to swirl through my head. But now, it was my mind talking.

Why do you keep talking about him? He doesn't like you, he doesn't even know you exist.

He's cute and you're so plain, like you would ever have a chance.

Tears prickled in my eyes as I turn away from the mirror, I pulled off my jacket and tossed it on my bed. As if it was a reflex, I touched my wrist. I felt the bumpy texture from the old and new paintings that I drew.

You know you want to do it. Don't fight it, you know you'll lose.

I let out a deep breath as I close my eyes trying to concentrate on something else. I grabbed my phone and instantly go my contacts. I go to click one of them, but I stopped.

They don't care about your problems, you've burdened them enough.

I drop my phone and I look around my room, I try to find anything at all to distract me from my thoughts.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. This would be so much easier if you'd just do it already. Why fight it?

I rushed out of my room and go for my fridge, I grabbed a piece of ice and I squeeze my hand close. A burning sensation goes through my hand and I let out a deep breath. I tossed the halfway melted ice cube in the sink and headed back to my room.

You really want to walk alone with me? The thoughts that kill you so slowly?

I grabbed my phone and my earbuds, I walked out of my house and headed into the woods. The woods were dark, but I liked it that way. It was chilly outside, but that wasn't my main focus.