My Father's House

Chapter 32

Though Agatha had gone, the sorrow she'd introduced remained looming in my mind. I wiped my face, wishing I understood what pain that lady had been through and why Kael risked bringing me here. I pulled myself up to the bed, pushing off the plush bears and well-worn throw pillows obstructing my path. The sheets smelled freshly washed, and I sunk into them gratefully. It occurred to me that Kael had given up his loving aunt to be with my father. What had Gideon offered him that could be better than a relative's love? He'd said himself my father hadn't offered him that same type of attachment.

I would have done anything for a woman like Agatha to love me as a child. Really, the way Kael and I had suffered the detachment of being orphans had been very different in some ways, yet similar in others. Perhaps our past was what had made us both struggle with forming personal relationships, even avoiding them. I imagined that my experience in foster homes had mirrored much of the loneliness he'd felt all those years at boarding school. However, I'd found Maria and Arthur, and after all that time I had a family. Love. I wondered if there was anyone like that for him. I guessed not. If my own father was furious that I wasn't dead, then he was incapable of anything resembling familial attachment. What had his father been like? If he'd died as a child, Kael probably barely remembered what it was like to be loved and cared for other than a brief time with Agatha. My tears flowed freely now, knowing first-hand the emptiness this brought.

My door opened a crack allowing the dim light from the hall to pour in. Through squinting eyes, I tried to acclimate to the light as the remaining tears were squeezed from between my lids. "Kael?"

"What's wrong?"

His voice was thick from recent sleep. He slipped just inside the door, closing it behind him.

"Another nightmare?"

I wiped my face with my hand, wishing he hadn't seen my tears. I couldn't explain to him that I had had a forbidden discussion with his aunt that had resulted in a massive emotional breakdown for him in my head. I nodded, accepting the excuse he'd provided. He rubbed his face, obviously still half asleep himself.

"Did I wake you? I didn't realize I was so loud." Perhaps a sob or two had escaped, but my tears hadn't been overly dramatic.

"I don't know. Something did." He shifted his weight before adding, "I'm sorry about earlier. I had no reason to get angry with you. Try to get back to sleep. If it happens again, I'll come back and wake you."

He started to leave.

"Hey."

He turned back to me. I wanted him to stay. I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts, but I had no idea how to ask him to keep me company without him getting the wrong idea.

"Do you think they'll stop? The nightmares."

"Not anytime soon."

He hesitated, his hand on the knob looking back at me with a face that was half hidden in shadows. To my surprise, he came back in the room and closed the door behind him.

"I'll stay until you fall back to sleep."

"Ok," I said simply, sliding back into the covers. I was secretly relieved but unwilling to show it. He leaned against the door then slid down until he was sitting motionless on the floor, again.

Strange man, I thought to myself, right before I fell asleep.

Madeline haunted my dreams intermittently all night, resulting in a very restless sleep. Whenever I shut my eyes, she was there, knife in hand, pinning me down, rendering me powerless as she stabbed again and again. Tonight, a faceless Gideon stood behind her, saying nothing, watching. Sometimes Mr. Kinley's face was on Gideon's form. Other times I could make out little more than a scar that stretched up the expanse of his cheek. When I woke from these images, crying out in a cold sweat, Kael would be shaking me awake. I lost count of the number of times we repeated this mantra during the night.