The Unfair Trade: The 9th Vessel

My 9th Vessel

As i wake up early in the morning to do my workout before i go to work.

I've been thinking. Maybe there's another way to die. To die permanently and not to be reincarnated into another vessel. That would be my tenth, by the way. And i'm fed up with all of this reincarnation thing.

I have imposed a rule to myself. Never get attached to anyone. I do not want any emotional separation anxiety that will be continued to my next life.

Once i have loved someone. That is my 3rd vessel. I never took the death "candy" on that specific lifetime. For once in my life. I wasn't bored. We grew old. I watched her die in her death bed. We were 80 years old by that time. And the pain is unbearable.

Seeing someone you love with all your heart die in front of you. Knowing that you'll still be alive in the next 9 months without her in your life.

The most painful part was regaining your consciousness. You remembered you had someone you love. And you'll never see her again. I cried a lot. Lots and lots of tears are shed. My parents of that life time got worried. They even thought i was one of those special kids with special needs. So they sent me into a mental hospital at the age of 5. I couldn't take it so when i had the chance. I snatched one of the orderlie's syrynge, filled it with air. And inject it into my veins.

It is painful. But not as painful as what i was feeling. I didn't die.

I was hoping so. No. I needed to die.

Maybe another lifetime will renew me. It will fix me. But no, i am as broken as ever.

So i continued with that life until i moved on. And thus, the rule of never getting attached is made.

I was still figuring things out. I thought, maybe this happens to all of us humans. Well, it is true.

I've seen fellow travellers on the yggdrasil. But none of them seems to have my gift. The regaining of consciousness.

So i thought of myself, i am alone in this world with this condition.

I have this curse. Outliving everyone you'll ever love. Jumping from one vessel to another. Being spiritually immortal.