Cancer//Luke Hemmings

0.6; 4th september

My mornings now consisted of looking after Luke. He preffered me to the nurses, he wanted me to help him out of bed, help him get dressed and help him to the bathroom.

Luke turned to me and began to speak, although I had zoned out. I was thinking of how it was going to end, how long I had before Luke would die.

"Nomes? Did you hear me? I said I want to do something i've never done before. For medicinal purposes, of course." He smirked, forcing the goosebumps to rise upon my skin.

"Oh sorry I zoned out, what do you mean? What do you want to do?" I blushed, causing a fit of giggles to erupt from Luke. I hid my face in embarrassment.

"I wanna get drunk and do drugs."

***

So here we were, sitting on a metal park bench, drinking burning liqour and smoking marijuana. It was midnight and the dark sky held the brightest of stars. It was cold outside, but being here with Luke made me warm.

As I sipped my whiskey, Luke began to chuckle unexpectly at my actions. I stared at him in admiration. I placed my alcohol on the ground and lay my head upon Lukes lap. He ran his hands along my body, stopping at my waist. His actions drove me insane; my heart was beating out of my chest.

I couldn't think straight; all I could think of is savouring this moment because i knew deep inside of me I had to. The moments I spend with this charming boy could end at any second, and I couldn't bear it. I loved him, and I knew that now, more than anything I knew in my entire life.

It felt like a weight upon my heart, not a burden so to speak, more of a deep sadness. I wanted to grow old with him, to love him, have children and even grand-children. I want to turn into an old lady and have him witness it as I would witness his age upon his beautiful face. I want to be that old-married couple that celebrated their ruby anniversary, I want to be the crazy weird old couple that spend their nights in bed, drinking tea with biscuits while watching re-runs of friends or Bojack Horseman. Because that's what we wanted, and I knew it would never happen. You can't fall in love and hope for the best, you fall in love and pray for fear not to come, you pray for the sadness not to overwhelm you into a deep pit of depression and loneliness. You can't fall in love because there's just too much too lose.

Luke coughed and looked down at my tear-stained face, I hadn't noticed I was crying until he wiped the tears off my cheeks. "What's wrong Naomi? Why are you upset?" He scanned my face, trying to solve the solution to my problems like a cheerleader trying to beat a nerd at chess.

"you're what's wrong, Luke. You're dying and I can see it over your tired face. You haven't got long and it's killing me, I want to grow old with you not grow old alone. I won't be able to find someone else in this crazy world to fall in love with as much as I've fell in love with you. I can't just tell you not to leave, because you're going to die. But I want you to know, the one of the reasons that keeps you here is me. I'm always going to love you Luke. And I don't want you to leave. I love you more than I love myself." I couldn't stop the tears from streaming from my face, I couldn't help the violent sobs that escaped my mouth, I couldn't control my body turning into a trembling mess on Luke's lap, but it all stopped when he pulled me up so I was directly sitting on his lap, while he hugged me from behind.

"I can't promise you I'm always going to be here, because I'm not, I just want you to know I'm trying, trying harder than I've ever tried to do anything before. I'm trying so hard for you Naomi but it's killing me too. Naomi I think I'm deeply in love with you and it kills me to say it because I know I'm gonna die and I don't want to put you through it but I can't hide my feelings. I love you, Naomi ." He said those three words that I couldn't stop from ringing in my ears.

"Luke, I love you too."

****