See-through // Phan (on hold)

c h a p t e r ✦ o n e

TW -- Mentions of trigger warnings

//

dan

I've had my "affect" for as long as I can remember.

⠀⠀⠀Sometimes it really fucking sucks--other times it helps me in the most awkward and worst situations.

⠀⠀⠀Well, let me care to explain.

⠀⠀⠀So, basically, I can turn invisible. Only few people in my family know, of course my father, mother, aunts and uncles that I never see. My parents are really secretive about my "disorder" or "affect" or whatever they want to call it.

⠀⠀⠀I mean, it's no big deal. I have a power that no one else has, I say that's pretty cool and the world deserves to see it.

⠀⠀⠀But my parents are highly against that idea. My father thinks I'm a complete freak--I can tell it in his eyes. My mother is soft with me but I sometimes see the fear in those green — blue eyes that sometimes even make me scared of myself.

⠀⠀⠀Seriously, though, what's the worst think that could happen if I show the world that I can turn invisible? The cops can't catch me--I'd disappear and they'd never be able to find me. People couldn't try and capture me for whatever the fuck they think they'd like to do to me--I've watched Heroes, I'm not stupid.

⠀⠀⠀Plus, there's no brain-taking serial killer that wants my power, so I don't see anything wrong with the world knowing about me.

⠀⠀⠀Then again, I know if I did and . . . something happened, something I did slipped up, I would be a goner. I would be alone for the rest of my life, having to be in hiding, be invisible to the world forever. Sometimes it scares me, but then I remember it's not like I have any friends anyway, so what's the point of thinking about that. I know it won't ever happen, Mom and Dad would be furious and, well, who knows what they'd do. Then again it's not like they could do anything to me, I know how to fight and I'll kill them if I have to.

⠀⠀⠀Okay, I'll stop talking about that now. I know my parents won't ever turn against me, I hope, but I always have that inner fear that they might. Because hell, you'll never know the future, so I might just become popular and have some friends and fans for once.

⠀⠀⠀Ah, friends. Something I've always thought about.

⠀⠀⠀Then again, it's literally my worst nightmare.

⠀⠀⠀I've never had a friend. I don't know what it's like to care for someone, text someone daily and just small talk. I've never been in a deep conversation before, never. Sometimes I think it would be nice to get my feelings out, and about two years ago I made the mistake of telling Mom and Dad that.

⠀⠀⠀Big mistake, Dan.

⠀⠀⠀Yeah, they scheduled me to meet up with a therapist because they thought I was self-harming.

⠀⠀⠀Fucking imbeciles, I wouldn't cut my arms open for anything. That's brutal, and, well, for the people that do that . . . fucking hell man, you need some help. No offense of course, we all have problems but maybe you should at least tell someone about that.

⠀⠀⠀So about that therapist, they were dropping me off at that therapist building and I literally disappeared for a couple of days. I didn't return home until I was almost hit by a car, great job Dan, keeping it cool 101. They learned their lesson, after freaking out about where the actual fuck I could be, and never scheduled me with a therapist again. I'm pretty manipulative, not to be too cocky.