The Definition Of Family

Chapter 19: Heartbreak

Tori’s POV

          “Vega!” Jade yells trailing behind me. I walk faster, pushing open the front doors of the school. When I don’t hear the door close, I know she caught up to me. She grabs my arm and gently tugs me.

          “Vega, will you hold up?” She asks, turning me to face her.

          “What, Jade? What?” I say, glaring the best way that I can. She takes a step back at the growl in my voice. My eyes soften out of my own free will. I hate being so hard on her. My gaze involuntarily falls on the arm I secretly kissed just a few nights ago; she’s wearing a long-sleeved black shirt.

          “What was that back there?” She asks, panic clear in her voice. “You didn’t mean that. You were kidding, right?”

          You were just supposed to be teaching her a lesson, Tori. Don’t you think she’s had enough? I think, looking down at her hand on my arm. This is taking it too far.

          “I don’t know if I was, Jade,” I lie, silently kicking myself for dragging this punishment on longer. “I’m sick of this, physically sick.”

          “Tori, come on, I said I was sorry,” She pleads, her hold on my arm tightening. “She didn’t mean anything to me. I was just mad at you and I was scared and alone and-”

          I look at her face when she pauses. She doesn’t continue because she suddenly looks at her arm.

          “I didn’t want to cut again. I didn’t want to end up unconscious on my floor and-”

          “Just get in the car,” I say, walking to the car. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

          “I don’t get it, Tori,” She replies the minute I start the car. “Why don’t you want to fix this? You won’t talk to me about it or even let me finish explaining why it happened. I can fix this – we can fix this- if you just let me-”

          “I don’t want to fix this,” I cut her off, focusing on the road. I don’t dare look at her. I can’t. I’ve taken it too far and I can’t break down now. The silence is deafening.

          “Wh- what did you say?” She asks. Her eyes are burning holes into the side of my head, burning into my brain. Should I even repeat myself?

          This is your chance, Tori. You can stop this once and for all. You can say that you don’t want to separate, that you just wanted her to know that you were hurt and you wanted her to feel it too. You don’t have to keep doing this.

          Yes, you do, Tori. How else are you going to show her that you aren’t going to take this shit anymore? It’s not like she won’t try to get you back. You can always fix it then.

          Yeah, and what happens when she finds someone else to comfort her? You were never the kind of person to make someone suffer, especially not Jade.

          Which is exactly why she’s cheated on you, right?

          You need to stop this torture.

          You need to stop this relationship.

          My internal conflict is enough to make me sick. End my relationship with Jade? How can I? Why would I? I love her. I can’t just throw away what I feel for her because of something she did, something I pushed her to do. I pushed her away. It’s my own fault this happened and I’m punishing her. Tori, what sense does this make?