Jaki

Hindsight is 20/20

*Sam is in the photo*
It has been a week since the party. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling , my eyes filled with boredom .
I haven't spoken to Edith Anne in almost two weeks, but I've talked to Jaki literally everyday.
I grabbed my cellphone from my pocket, it had a crack in the screen from the party. I should call Edith, just to see if she's alright, she's probably worried about me.
I called her and she picked up on the first ring ,as usual.
"Hello, Tobias?" Her high pitched voice filled my mind, did it always sound like a 4 year old girl crying for her mother? Jaki's voice sounded a lot more mature than that.
"Hey." I said.
"You haven't called me in so long! Is everything alright? Are you okay? Do you like it there? Do you miss me?" Why does she ask so many questions?!
" I've been really busy, I live on campus, and yeah, baby, I do miss you a lot." I lied.
"I want to come visit you soon, I miss you so much. Can I come visit you? "
"I don't really-" my dorm room door slammed open, I sat up and saw Jaki coming in.
She smiled an waved, dark black lipstick this time.
I waved back and smiled, she probably wanted to hang out again.
"You mean you don't want me to come over and visit you?! But you are my boyfriend?! I miss you!" Edith screamed from the phone, I muffled the phone with my pillow.
"Who's that?" Jaki asked.
"Erm...my mom..." I said, I don't know why but that was the first this that came to my mind.
Jaki's happy smile fell, leaving her face blank, emotionless.
"I- I meant my grandmom, sometimes I call her my mom, to...fill the empty void." I wasn't lying either, I had often accidently called my granny mom.
Jaki stared a little long, leaving silence between us and Edith Anne's muffled phone screams.
Robin appeared in the door behind Jaki. "Did you ask him?" Robin asked.
Jaki shook her head and then left.
I hung up on Edith Anne without another word.
Robin eyed me, "What just happened?" She asked.
I hopped off my bed and walked over to her. "I don't really know."
Robin sighed and rolled her eyes, "We're all going go to the movies, wanna come?"
"Sure, what are we going to see?" I grabbed my jacket and left with her.
"I don't know, Jaki picked it."

We left the building and hopped in Deckland's car. As we pulled off, I looked around,everyone was here except Jaki.
"Where's Jaki?" I asked.
A slow sullen silence filled the car, the atmosphere changed instantly to sad.
"She got sick last minute so she stayed back at the school." Sam's monotone voice muttered.
Sick? She wasn't sick...did I upset her? Was she suspecting things?
"Oh..." I sighed. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket,Edith Anne was calling me again. I hung up and looked out the window, only to be interrupted by Edith calling again.
What if Jaki never spoke to me again now? What if she hated me now?

The movie was boring, the ride back was boring and Edith Anne had called me a total of 27 times.
Deckland and I were sitting on the floor, eating Doritos, Deckland stood and walked over to the window.
My phone vibrated, I had gotten a text from Jaki.
Come meet me at my dorm.
I stood and walks to the door, "I'll be back," I told Deckland before leaving.
I saw Jaki standing outside of her room. She wore her pajamas, a tank top and fuzzy black shorts.
She had light bruises all over her thighs. She walked inside and I followed her.
She had posters all over her walls. Some had a symbol and the letters F.O.B. on it. Others had bands on them, Paramore, Black Veil Brides, Falling in Reverse...and so on..one had a girl with black and pink hair.
But the biggest poster was of a male Singer, it was signed at the bottom.
"You want some? " Jaki asked, holding up a bottle of wine.
"Sure," I said.
"Also you can look through my things, it's only appropriate because I looked through yours." She smiled, grabbing glasses from the closet.
I walked over to her dresser it was painted, and covered in stickers. I opened the top drawer, it was filled with lace thongs and bras..I slammed it shut and winced.
I opened the next drawers it was filled with pictures, pencils, papers, paints, change and nail Polish. I picked up a picture, a young girl, probably Jaki and a woman stood in front of a tree.
"That's my mom and my sister." Jaki said, she was standing right behind me now.
"Where are you?" I asked.
She pointed at her mother's belly. "There and my father took the photo."
"Do you ever go visit them?" I asked.
"...no." she said, then she took a long sip of wine. "Well, sometimes, on the weekends or their birthdays."
I opened the next drawer, it was full of pills and pill bottles. I looked at Jaki, "Are these drugs?"
Jaki let out a loud laugh, "No!" She sipped her wine again, "Well not all of them." She chuckled.
The pills were all different colors and different sizes. What were they all for? Were they meds? Was she mental?
I closed the drawer.
"So, did you call me over here to talk?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. "I want you to get naked for me, is that okay?"
I began to lift my shirt, but she stopped me. "I'm sorry, I forgot you are kinda new, you don't really know me. Uh, get naked to me means strip yourself of you walls, of your shield. Show me the real you, tell me things that no one else knows about you." Jaki said, finishing both wine glasses.
She grabbed candles from the closet and and set them around us and then lit them. I hit the light switch and she sat in the circle of candles with the glasses and wine bottle. I sat in front of her.
"Why do you drink so much?" I asked, I didn't mean to but it just came out, word vomit.
"Because," she smiled. "Liquor is amazing. It makes me happy."
"You mean drunk?"
"Yes, that too, and it also makes me a lot more truthful. Same for weed. But I just like cigarettes because I'm not supposed to."
"Oh," I said.
"Tell me about your family." She said laying on her side.
"My parents divorced when I was six and my mother got breast cancer a while back and died last month. So I had to go live with my dad, whom I haven't seen in years. He has a new family, five kids and one more on the way, I couldn't stop arguing with him. He made me angry." My body began to shake with anger.
"How? What did he do?" She asked.
"He just kept bothering me and asking me about mom, like he cared. If he cared he wouldn't have left her in the first place." I hissed.
"My parents we divorced. But they still lived together, for my sister and I, I guess." Jaki sipped her wine.
"And I just had to get away from him and from his kids and his wife! Then I found out about this place...so here I am."
Jaki eyed me carefully,then poured more wine in her glass. "Do you hate him?"
"Yeah," I said with no hesitation. "But what about you? Tell me about your family."
Jaki sighed. "My mother was a beautiful woman, she had these hazel eyes and flawless skin. She was literally amazing." Jaki said daydreamly. "I want you to meet her one day."
"Really?"
"Yes." Jaki eyed her wine and then set it to the side. "What are you afraid of?"
"Death. And loneliness. You?"
"Nothing, also death isn't very scary by the way." She smirked.
"Nothing? You aren't afraid of anything?"
"No, for instance, no one should be afraid of things like monkeys or sharks, because they are beautiful creatures created by God. Or if you are afraid of the dark, it's only because of things like scary movies, all bad things happen in the dark. But the dark isn't scary at all, it's quiet peaceful. And death, it happens for a reason, but just think, if your family is dead and you die then you get to be with them now." Jaki said.
"You aren't afraid to die?" I asked amazed, Jaki just kept getting more and more amazing as she spoke.
"Not at all." She smiled. "I'd honestly be happy to."
I eyed her with amazement. Wow, just wow.
"What was your life like before you had to move here?" She asked.
"Pretty bland, I mean it was nothing like this at all. I never partied before and I never smoked or drank or anything. I didn't really have many friends either. I went to school and took care of my mom. Cooked, cleaned, basically everything that my mom could no longer do." I began to remember my mother's cries and screams and the way my heart would jump. Or the times when she was too quiet while she slept and I begin to panic to make sure she was alive.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, you hate your father because he left you with your mother or because he left your mother?" Jaki asked.
"Is there a difference?"
"Yes, a huge one."
"I mostly hate the fact that he left me with my mom, if you love someone you should never leave them." I said.
Jaki twisted a curl of hair around her finger. "That's not true, sometimes you leave people because you love them. And sometimes leaving is the best thing." I wasn't following. I don't understand. "You probably think only 2 types of love exist; romantic love and the parent-child love. But honestly there are many different types of love, there is the love that you have for your close friends and the love you have for your best friends. Love you may have for a sibling, sometimes a love-hate love. Or even a painful love, or sometimes a love illusion."
"A love illusion?"
"Yes, that is basically...do you love someone or do you love the thought of them?"
"I'm still not following." I said, embarrassed.
"You will soon, hindsight is 20/20, Tobias." Jaki said, scooting closer to me. "There is also a lust love and a greed love. Love is a mysterious, beautiful thing."
I love Jaki. I know that much for sure.
"Did they have a funeral for your mother?" She asked.
"Yes and my douchebag father brought his entire new family."
"Is that bad?"
"Yes, that's awful and rude. I hate him so much."
"I see, I see," Jaki said, her skin began to look a pale sick brown, almost as if she was going to vomit. Probably from all the wine she drank. She abruptly sat up and held her chest, breathing heavily.
"Are you alright?" I asked, placing my hand on her back.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just..." She clutched her chest tighter this time. "Do me a favor, go find Die and tell him to come in here like now, please." She said, between grunts and shivers.
I quickly ran out the room and to my dorm, this had began to remind me of my mother when she was sick. And now I was afraid.
I opened our dorm room and Deckland was standing, looking out the window.
"Deckland, Jaki said can you please come to her dorm right now?" I said.
"Wait, what? Is Robin there too?" Deckland said running out the door, I followed. "No, it was just me and her. We ran I side of Jaki's dorm and saw her on her knees, next to a puddle of vomit, it was red but I wasn't sure if it was blood or wine. Jaki was violently coughing and clutching her chest.
Deckland pushed me out of the room and locked the door. I hit the door and asked constantly to be let in, what was wrong with her?
After ten minutes of waiting outside the dorm, Deckland opened the door.
"Jaki was sick from all the wine," he said. "She has a sensitive stomach and drank too much wine. She is fine now but she needs to sleep." I wasn't sure if I should believe him or try to see for myself.
"Are you positive?" I asked.
"Yes," Deckland said. "I'm positive. Jaki would like it if you didn't worry over her, she is going to be fine. She just threw up all the wine and now that it's out of her belly she's fine. See ya later, babe." Deckland said shutting the door in my face again.
I left Jaki's dorm and went to my own, I climbed on my bed and wondered, what Jaki's life was like before she came to NewCane's.
Why had she learned so much about me but I was still in the dark her? I still don't even know what her real name is.
I drifted off into a deep sleep, wondering who was Jaki really.

"Wake up, dude!" I heard Jaki say.
My eyes shot open and met with her wide dark ones. "God, you're a heavy sleeper! It's time for dinner!" Jaki said.
I groggily sat up, with Jaki sitting on my legs. I looked at the alarm clock, I had slept for 4 hours.
Jaki had on different clothes, wait was the entire thing a dream? Where is Deckland?
"Get dressed, because we are going out for dinner." Jaki said hopping off my bed.
"Just me and you?" I asked.
"Of course not, Die, Beni, Robi, and Sami are coming too." She said sitting in my chair.
I jumped off my bed and stretched, shaking the sleepiness from my body.
"What do you think, burgers or pizza?" Jaki asked, watching me undress. "Or tacos or Chinese or maybe Italian?"
I want to be able to get to know Jaki more, let's start now. "What's you favorite food?"
"Pizza." She smiled.
"Then pizza it is." I said, throwing on a plain grey shirt and jeans.
Jaki and I left the dorm and went to the main office.
"We are going out for dinner, to Benny's Pizza Parlor." Jaki told the woman at the front desk as she sighed me and herself out.
The woman nodded and said, "You know the curfew, Jaki."
Jaki nodded as we left. "I like her, she's very kind." Jaki said as we walked over to Deckland's car.
We all squeezed in, Jaki sat on my lap and I hoped to God that I didn't accidentally poke her.
We had finally made it to the pizza place and Jaki ordered the largest pizza there. "It's a contest guys, if we eat it all in less than 10 minutes then it's free."
The waiter hit the timer and we all began to wolf down the pizza and we finished in 8 minutes, so it was free and we were stuffed.
I felt as if I'd vomit if I opened my mouth, and I was surprised that Robin, as tiny as she was, ate more pizza than I did.
"Wasn't that awesome, Tobias?" Jaki asked smiling toothily.
"Yeah," I said between a burp. "Totally."
Jaki giggled and patted her tummy, "I'm stuffed guys, I probably won't be able to eat for a week!"
"Same," everyone mumbled.
The waiter and the owner came over to our table.
"Well, lookie here." The owner, Benny, said. "Jaki and her crew finished the death challenge!" He said clapping his hands.
The waiter passed each of us a T-shirt and asked us to put it on for the photo. We all obeyed. The shirt had a pizza with mushroom skulls on it and above it in tomato sauce/ blood it read: I survived the Death Challenge!
We all smiled for the picture, Jaki sat on the table, and we all leaned in, the waiter snapped the picture.
"I'll be right back," he said leaving.
This was a pretty awesome night.
The waiter soon came back and gave us each a copy of the picture.
Jaki had a big pretty smile and looked like a star. She wore really short black shorts and the pizza shirt and dark brown lipstick.
On Jaki's right Ben and Robin sat smiling and on her left was Deckland, me and Sam.
My phone then began to vibrate, I was getting a call from an unknown number. I had squeezed out of the booth, "Lemme take this, guys." I said pointing at my phone. Everyone nodded and continued talking.
I stepped outside and answered. "Hello?"
"Tobias, hi." I heard a familiar unfamiliar voice say. "Listen don't hang up, alright?"
Then it clicked in my head, it was my father. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't!" I hissed.
"Listen, son, I'm just calling to check up on you alright? I just wanted to see how you were liking school. And-"
"Stop it, alright?!" I shouted. "Stop pretending like you care! You don't care! You never did, so don't try to just come around and pretend that you do. I know that you don't! So just leave me alone!" I shouted, I hadn't realized the tears streaming down my face.
"Tobias, I love you, I always have and I always will. I know that-"
"Fuck you! Fuck you!" I said through tears and hiccups, "I fucking hate you! I hate you!" I cried and cried over and over.
"Tobias, please-"
"Why do you have to ruin everything?! Stop calling me! I came to this fucking school to get away from you! I just wish you'd die already!" I yelled.
"Tobias, I'm here if you need me-" he started but I hung up.
"Tobias?" I heard Jaki say.
I turned around.
"Was that your father?" She asked.
I sniffed and stayed silent, in fear that I'd yell at her if I opened my mouth.
"What did he say?" She asked walking closer to me. She reached her hand up to wipe the tears from my face, but I flinched away. "Tobias?" Her voice softening.
My phone vibrated again, a text message. I checked it, it was from him.
Tobias, I know you are having a hard time and I understand. I want to let you know that I am here for you always, I know you feel that it's your fault that Cynthia died but it isn't.
I love you, we all do
Love Dad.

"It sounds like he cares about you, Tobias." Jaki said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
He doesn't. He does not care about me at all.
"Is Cynthia your mom?" She asked.
And just then I immediately broke down in tears and fell to my knees. Flashes of that night wouldn't stop coming, over and over, her cries, her screams, my panic.
"Tobias," Jaki said, sitting beside me and holding me in her arms. "I'm sorry. I-"
"Nobody knows what happened that night but me!" I cried. "It-"
"Tobias, shhh." Jaki said caressing my back, and grabbing my hand, never letting go. Even on the ride home and even when we made it back to New Cane, Jaki still held my hand.
We stood at my dorm and Jaki looked in my eyes.
"Hindsight is 20/20, Tobias." She said and hesitantly let go of my hand and disappeared down the hall.