Wake up, Becca. Wake up.
Every day, its a struggle to get out of bed, to put on my facade, but this is the fate I've chosen, and it's the one I must live.
Get up, Becca. Get up.
Every day, it's the same routine.
Get dressed, Becca. Get dressed.
Wake up, get up, get dressed. Every day, it kills me on the inside to do these things, but this is the fate I've chosen, and it's the one I must live.
I go down to breakfast, but no one is there. It comes as no surprise to me that each member of my family is absorbed in their own life this morning. Its been this way for two years, and most likely, it will remain this way until one of us takes our last breath.
Ten minutes, Becca. Ten minutes.
One of the clubs I am a member of, though I can't for the life of me remember which one, is meeting before school today, and it is a requirement that I attend. If i were to even be a minute late, I might as well have sinned against humanity. Rebecca Hartman is never late.
Drive, Becca. Drive.
Every day, I sit in the drive way for no less than one minute (no longer than two), and I allow the internal battle within me to show on my face. Its the last time I can do this until my head hits the pillow tonight, because it is not safe to allow my true emotions to show. If anyone were to discover that I am less than content in the life I live, chaos would ensue.
Smile, Becca. Smile.
The hallways of my school are the most dangerous, for everyone seems to be scrutinizing my face for my true emotions. If I am not at my upmost attention during my walks through the hallways, then I will be discovered, and these two years will be all for nothing.
I understand that I am beyond saving, as I also realize that my so-called friends are hopeless as well, but my heart enjoys to try and trick me. It gives me an ounce of hope each day, that I am not irreparable, that I still stand a chance at happiness. Each day, I am given hope, and each day, my heart is crushed yet again. The constant proving wrong of my hopes of anything other than perfection has turned my soul to stone.
I live each day going through the motions, and hating every second of it, but this is the fate I have chosen, and it's the one I must live.
