I don't want to do this. In the back of my mind, I know that I will regret it. The bigger part of my mind, however, sees things differently.
"Move out of my way, Chubby. Or is that too much exersize for you?" I see the pain in her eyes, and in the back of my mind, I feel it as well, but the bigger part of me revels in it. The reason I've managed to make my way to the top in the first place was because of my lust for power, after all.
And I feel enormously powerful.
This is why, every morning, I know that I deserve to get up and suffer. My need for power slowly destroys the lives of everyone in my path. I destroy people for nothing more than the approval of the other Perfects.
The snickers coming from Kara have a warm feeling bubbling in my stomach. I have done well in the eyes of my best friend, and the feeling I get from this is euphoric. I know that, all too soon, my power high will come crashing down, leaving me with nothing but utter hatred for my self, but for now, I feel as if I am on top of the world.
I feel a hand on the back of my neck. "Hey babe."
I give Bradley a tight-lipped smile and a "Hey."
"Aw, don't be like that, babe. You know I had to miss last night for good reasons. My grandma's still sick, and my mom wants me to spend time with her before she, you know, passes." I did know that his mom was a very caring woman, and she would make Bradley spend time with his grandmother if she was sick. However, I also remember attending the funeral of Grandma Thorne three years ago, when Bradley and I were still in love.
I'm not surprised that he doesn't remember this. My boyfriend hasn't taken the liberty of remembering anything that happened over two years ago in a long time.
"I know, Brad. You'd never intentionally blow me off." I give him a kiss on the cheek, and he seems satisfied.
He's blown me off twice this week, and I know that the truth is he was with some other girl. However, I can't bring my self to feel anything other than annoyance that he messed up my plans. To be truthful, I haven't thought of my boyfriend as anything other than a pawn for my Perfection in two years.
As long as I get to remain powerful, then I'll allow him to have his little fun.
I give a little inward, bitter laugh at my thoughts. Oh Becca, how you have fallen. At one time, I believed that there was such thing as true love for a person like me, but I know now that those thoughts are impossible.
Perfection has consumed me, and with this consumption has come a lack of space in my heart for much else.
