I shouldn't love you

Chapter 3

*half a year later*

It's been half a year now. Saph and I became very good friends. We can tell each other anything. But I've been confused since I met her. I used to know I was straight, but no longer. Now my heart speeds up every time I think of her or see her, and I blush insanely at any physical contact. To make things worse, last night at dinner, my adoptive parents lectured Kyla and I on homosexuality and the Bible. I sat through the lecture wondering why it had to happen to me of all people. Now I sat on my bed staring at my pocketknife, a gift given to me before I left Iceland.

"Now listen Stær. Dad gave this to me a few years ago. I want you to have it," Aran said as he pushed it into my hand.

"Aran, you love this thing. Besides, Dad gave it to you, not me."

"I want you to have it anyways." I finally gave in to him. That was all 3 years ago, when I moved from Reykjavik. I stared at it for a few seconds longer, then removed the bracelet I wore on my left arm. I took a moment to reflect on my problems. 1, Mom and Dad died in a volcano eruption. 2, Elizabeth, my adoptive mother, got into an auto accident. 3, I'm questioning my sexuality. 4, ever since the accident, Arthur began taking his anger out on me. I flipped open the knife and stared at my wrist. I noticed a little place between two visible veins making a circle. I pressed the knife to that space and sighed as the blood flowed from my arm.

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The next day at school, I was quieter than usual. As was the routine with us by now, Saph came up to me, happy as ever.

"Hey!" 

"Hi," I muttered. She was instantly concerned.

"Are you alright?"

"No," I wanted to scream, "nothing's alright. My mother died last night, my father's now an alcoholic, and I have a crush on a straight girl!" I wanted to scream. Instead I sighed. 

"I'm fine," I said vaguely. She nodded and put her arm around me. 

"You know you can tell me anything," she said, a tone of worry in her voice. I just nodded. It happened like this for 2 weeks. Every night I added 1 or 2 cuts to the collection on my wrist, and soon enough I found a bracelet that would work to cover them. I kept thinking over and over about telling Saph, but being a pessimist, I knew there was nothing but rejection.

-------Saph's POV------------

I walked up to Kyla with worry about Stær in mind. I recently developed feelings for her, but I was afraid to voice them. I approached Kyla and tapped her shoulder, ducking as I anticipated the slap. 

"Oh hi Saph! Whazzup?" She asked. I beckoned her over to a secluded corner.

"We need to talk. It's about Stær. I'm really worried about her." I confessed. Kyla cocked her eyebrow and thought for a moment. She then opened her mouth to speak.

"Listen, Saph, I might know what's going on. I found some things the other day...you might be interested. One was her sketchbook. Multiple of the drawings are of you. One was especially odd. It was a rather detailed drawing of you and her kissing. I think she likes you." 

I couldn't believe it. So the feelings are mutual! But Kyla wasn't done yet.

"Another thing, this one's scary. Her pocketknife, given to her brother in Iceland. It has dried blood on it. I-I think she may be cutting." I was taken aback at that. 

"You should go talk to her. You're the only one she opens up to anymore." However, I had made up my mind before she spoke. I needed to find Stær and set things right.

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Yo! Back again! Not the best, but I think that's the longest one yet! This story has more views then I thought it would. Thanks to the fabulous readers! Still not the best author~