(Hey guys! OMG its been such a long time since I've uploaded... but here it is! The long, long, long, long looooooooong awaited 51 Things Emmett Cullen is NOT Allowed to do... Five)
51 Things Emmett Cullen is NOT Allowed to do... Five
Emmet Cullen is not allowed to....
1. Ask Mike Newton if his boobs are real or fake
2. Tie Jacob up and make a sign saying 'Free Dog'
3. Tell Esme that Carlisle and Edward slept together frequently before she came along
4. Tell Rosalie he thinks Jessica Stanley is sexier than her
5. Pretend he is dying of Spanish Influenza
6. Make a list of '51 Things Sexier than Rosalie'
7. Tell the teacher that they are sexier than Rosalie in front of her, especially when the teachers a man
8. Sing 'Who Let the Dogs Out' when Jacob arrives
9. Pretend to be Rosalie on a dating website
10. ...Or Edward
11. Tell Jasper that his boobs are bigger than Rosalie's
12. Wear a cape to school that says "I stole this cape from Aro Volturi" on the back
13. Change Mike Newton into a vampire so he can annoy Bella forever
14. Get Rosalie locked in the psycho ward for believing in vampires
15. Steal Mike's clothes while he's in the shower at school
16. Steal the principal's pants in front of the school at assembly
17. Admit he stuffs his bra
18. Go to New Moon and (loudly) point out all the mistakes
19. Shout "free burgers!" at a LA weight loss center
20. Throw a grenade at Jasper while screaming "World war 3!"
21. Launch a potato at Edward.
22. Streak through his house with 'bite me' written on his butt in whipped cream
23. Streak through the school with 'bite me' written on his butt in whipped cream
24. Politely inform Jasper that the North won the war
25. Buy any of the werewolves shock collars
26. Poke Edward. And then, after he twitches, proceed to call him Twitchy the Vampiric Squirrel for the next decade.
27. Enroll the whole family, Bella included, in therapy.
28. Put Jacob on a leash, walk him around town, appear at Billy's house in La Push, and demand his dog-walking money.
29. Stalk Charlie
30. Turn up at Carlisle's hospital, running through the corridors screaming, "Daddy? DADDY WHERE ARE YOU?"
31. Go running around after Edward singing love songs, pretending he broke your heart
32. Graffiti anywhere saying 'Carlisle is too sexy for his shirt'
33. Call the police saying that he's seen a large amount of guns hidden in the back of Edward's Volvo
34. Report Carlisle as a suspected terrorist
35. Go around screaming that Edward was trying to seduce him
36. Walk around school in a bear costume telling everyone 'You Are What You Eat'
37. Tell Charlie that Edward use to sleep in Bella's room.
38. Run through the school yelling, "OH MY GOD, HE'S HITTING ON ME!" and pointing at Jasper.
39. Tell people Jasper is Emo and Cuts himself.
40. Say Carlisle Robbed a Bank.
41. Use Raccoons as Mass destruction.
42. Tell Aro that Caius is Gay
43. ...And with Marcus
44. ...But secretly having an affair with Felix
44. Fake sob and tell the guidance counselor that he feels like his family is pressuring him to be with Rosalie, and that he's unsure of his sexuality and who he really is
45. Set Wal-Mart on fire
46. Call Carlisle a disco god
47. Proclaim that because Esme shot JFK is why the Cullens moved to Forks
48. Randomly burst into tears about how horrible he feels about killing Bella
49. Announce on the loud speaker that Jasper will be dancing disco in the gym after lunch
50. Order 10,000 tampons in Edward's name
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"That should do it," Jasper said, duct taping the very large list to the wall.
"Really Jasper? After all this time, do you really think Emmett will listen?" Bella asked skeptically.
They heard a truck beeping, and Emmett yelling "RIGHT THERE IS FINE!"
They looked outside to see Edward staring at thousands of boxes of tampons, and a happy Emmett taking his picture by it.
As customary, Jasper handed Bella the pen and she wrote
51. Emmett Cullen is never, never, never, EVER allowed to order from an internet website EVER again
