Damaged//Ethan Dolan

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{Listen to:
Nobody by Selena Gomez
Not About Angels by Birdy
Can't Help Falling in Love by Haley Reinhart
When i Look At You by Miley Cyrus
while reading this chapter}

Ethan's POV
Rachel's mom called me and told me they are finally allowing visitors, and since she went already, it's my turn.

I pulled up to the hospital and as I walked in, I was overcome with a feeling of sadness.

Rachel is my best friend,
my first crush,
and I think I love her.

This whole time I realized I had forgotten about the letters I found in the bathroom.

There were 3 envelopes all addressed to a different person.

Mom, Melissa, and me.

Hesitantly, I carefully opened the envelope with my name on it. I decided to sit down in the waiting room and read it before I went in.

Ethan,

This is the hardest letter I have to write. I promise you I'll be ok wherever I end up after i die. You've been with me through everything, and i can't be any more thankful. You never deserved any of the hate, and you only got it because of me. You deserve a life full of happiness, and i hope that when i leave this earth, that is what you'll get. I love you, and not as a friend. I knew you liked me at one point, but i didn't know how to tell you that i felt the same way. I also didn't want to ruin what we had. You have been my best friend since i can remember. Ethan, you will always have a special place in my heart. Please enjoy the world as much as you can. Don't worry about me, because i'm at peace now.

Love you forever,

Rachel <3

The paper began to stain from my tears.

The girl I think I love is fighting for her life and there's nothing I can do.

How am I supposed to not think about her if she dies.

Why didn't I tell her how I felt earlier?
Maybe if I had told her, she wouldn't have taken the pills.

All these thoughts filled my head and I couldn't help but cry. I don't care if people are staring.

I don't care if the world knows that I love her. Because there is no one better for me than Rachel.

Her smile can light up a whole room. And her eyes, don't get me started.

I tuck my letter into the back pocket of my jeans and get ready to see Rachel.

"Hi Ms. James" I greeted her mom.
She looked so tired, and I knew she cried.

"Ethan, good you're here. Please go see her. The doctors say she needs company to help her wake up. She's in a coma." Her voice cracked at the last part because she tried to stop herself from crying.

"ok, thank you." I said as I engulfed her in a hug.

Rachel's mom knows she doesn't have a lot of friends, and how I'm always with her.

I'm practically a son to her.

I take a deep breathe as I grab the handle that leads into her room.

I slowly walk in and as soon as I do, I regret it.

She's plugged into all these wires, her face is pale, almost lifeless.

Her eyes are closed as her chest rises slowly with her breathing.

Somehow, her cheeks still managed to stay a light pink, just like they always are.

I pulled up a chair next to her bed.

"Rachel I know you probably can't hear me, but I need to tell you something. I've liked you now for a long time but I was too afraid to admit it. You're my best friend in the whole world and I can't imagine high school without you. You can't leave me. What will I do on Friday nights now? Who will make fun of me for watching kids tv shows? Who will come over the second they know I'm upset? Who will help me study for biology?"

I laugh a little before going on, to stop myself from crying.

"Rach, you have so much here waiting for you. You have me, your mom, your friends, your grandparents. It felt like just yesterday we were planning our lives and thinking about which colleges we should go to in order to stay friends."

I gently grabbed her hand, and intertwined it with mine, as I looked at her beautiful face.

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way? I would've helped you. I would've been there for you even more. You're so beautiful, you don't even know it."

I couldn't control the tears anymore.

"Rachel I need you here. Please don't leave me. Your mom really misses you, we all do. I don't know what you did to deserve this, but if you come back, I promise it will all stop.
I need you to fight.
Rach please fight.
Do it for me. Do it for your family.
I just wish I could've asked you out because maybe I would've been able to make you happier.
So I might as well do it now, so that when you wake up, you probably won't remember any of this, and I won't sound like an idiot for saying all this stuff."

Here goes nothing, I mean it's not like she can hear me, right.

"Rachel James, will you please be my girlfriend?"

I sighed as I looked down and wiped the tears from my face.

And then out of nowhere, I felt a gentle squeeze on my hand. 

"yes, I will"