To Be Alone

Twelve

My pencil arched across the paper, leaving a thin green curve. It arched upwards as if to leave the page before running down to the corner. I tilted my head slightly to the side and frowned. Something just didn't look right.

I had been trying for several days now to draw the island. Somewhere deep down I missed the golden sand and untamed foliage. I missed being able to run down to the water and dive into the silent depth whenever I wanted to escape the heat. I missed the peace that I had had. On the island all I had wanted was to leave, yet now there were times when I felt like asking the ship to take me back. I had become so used to the solitude that the world now seemed a crowded place. Even just here on the ship.

Here on the boat everything was always busy. Men ran back and forth yelling orders and joking with one another. Voices mixed with the sound of the waves hitting the boat in a turbulent storm. Surfaces had to be cleaned and cargo checked then repackaged in preparation of our arrival in China. If all went according to plan, that arrival would be today.

I tapped my pencil against my teeth and stared at the piece of paper. Something was wrong with it, I just couldn't work out what it was. In an attempt to keep some part of the island with me Lian had suggested that I draw it. I had spent hours penciling in the shapes of the hut, the tree-line and the many rocks, yet as soon as I began to add colour it had taken a turn for the worst. 

"Thats it..." I whispered, realising what the problem was. The water. Water is not blue. At least, it is not simply blue. The more time you spend around it the more you come to appreciate this. Water is clear and takes on the colour of the surroundings. On the island, the pale sand had forced the crystal water to appear almost rosy. With the sunset it had turned a deep orange then purple then black. 

I smiled to myself as I selected a green pencil and began to lightly shade in part of the water. I was so involved I didn't notice the figure next to me until he brushed my hair behind my ear. I jumped and looked up into the eyes of a smiling Lian. His hair was wet and dripping down onto his cotton shirt. In one hand he held a small plate.

"Nǐ h-hǎo" I said grinning up at him. My neck arched until I could see onto the plate. There nestled on the chipped enamel were several small biscuits. Lian laughed when he saw my face light up and settled himself beside me on the floor.

"I m-made....this-s morning" He said as he admired my work. I bit my lip as I waited for his judgement, my eyes tracing over his face. Since that moment with the photo album we had not come close to kissing again. I think we both realised things had gone too fast. However we didn't let it come between us and everyday we still spent the majority of it together.

Lian beamed at me and held up his thumbs. "G-good!" He exclaimed and a breath I hadn't realised I had been holding broke free of my lips. 

"Xièxiè" I laughed and reached over him to grab a biscuit. These ones were my favourite and I had a feeling he knew this, as he made them ten times more then any other. The shortbread crumbled in my mouth and the dainty icing coated my tongue in a luscious layer. I closed my eyes and tilted my face up to the sky to show my delight.

Lian laughed softly next to me and bit into his own one. This was currently what I lived for; small moments like these which reminded me there was still laughter in the world. And sharing them with Lian just made them better.

I pushed my paper and pens to the side before leaning onto my back, reaching out to pull him down next to me. He moved gently, lifting my head so that it lay on his chest not the cold metal. The steady rise and fall of his chest reminded me of the water, gently lulling against the sand.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Heart beating steady as a drum.

His fingers traced through my hair and I smiled to myself. I had always loved people playing with my hair; as a child I would spend hours forcing Aggie to play hairdresser. I was always the customer.

Suddenly a loud bang exploded nearby and I screamed, jerking off the floor and swinging my head desperately around in an attempt to find the source. Violent images of Lukes head cracking the side of the boat filled my head and I blanched. The crack echoed against my skull, beating off the walls and reverberating louder and louder. Again and again I watched it play out, speeding up faster and faster until it was all but a blur of pain in my head. My knees contacted with something hard and I dimly registered hands stroking my cheeks, hair, arms as Lian fought to comfort me. Voices called out my name and I tried to focus on them but it was like wading through a thick dark mud that sucked at my feet and reached out dripping claws to pull me back. 

A sharp prick in my arm seemed to clear my thoughts, and the images of Luke abruptly paused. I lifted my shaking head and looked straight into the worried eyes of Lian. His steady gaze held mine hostage.

I opened my mouth to speak, but only managed to get out "W-what?"  before my vision blacked out and my body slipped sideways into Lians waiting arms.

*****

Translation:

Nǐ hǎo- hello

Xièxiè- thank you