The Fall

It was a typical Saturday night. His body buzzed from the electric music, his thoughts hazy from alcohol, his eyes clouded by the haze of smoke around him.

His friends danced as if in a trance, some climbed onto chairs- still dancing, while others were kissing. A girl has her arm across his chest, her head on his shoulder. It was a typical Saturday night in September. But he was tired. God, he was tired.

Bret sat down beside him, a trace of a smile lingering on his face.

"Hey, brother!"

He tipped his head in response.

"What's with you tonight? You look like shit."

"Tell me about it. I feel like shit, too."

"You sick?"

"I don't think so."

Bret eyed him quizzically, while the girl beside him started to shift. Suddenly, he couldn't wait to get away from her. She was an experiment. Like all the other girls before her.

—

With the success of their first teleserye, things just happened for them- for him and his partner-in-crime. Suddenly, there were more TVCs, guestings, and basically just more commitments which required them to always be together.

They were just friends. And yet, lately, his thoughts drifted towards her. And it has been happening quite frequently. Some days, he'd be resting on his chair in-between takes then he'd remember how she laughed at his funny faces and how he wanted to hear that laugh again. Every time he caught himself thinking about her, he'd mentally reprimand himself.

She was the one woman he was not allowed to seduce.

And so, whenever he can, he went out. He drowned thoughts of her with alcohol and chased away the memory of her laughter. He erased her scent that seemed to cling to him by seducing other women. Women who made themselves available for him.

But he never dated them. No, he didn't date. He just parties with them and maybe hold their hand. He likes charming them and making them smile, but they weren't enough. They were not... her.

Now, in this cramped, hot bar, he kept wishing that she's here. He kept glancing at his phone hoping she'd call. But she never does.

—–

She knows what he's up to every weekend. Especially when she's the first one he'd call saying, "Naddie, I'm sorry. I fucked up again."

And at the other end of the line, he'd hear her sigh and say, "It's okay, James. I got your back."

Whenever she reads the nasty comments left on his Instagram, she's always the one who ends up crying. Not the im-in-pain tears but the im-so-frustrated-im-crying tears. And that's what hurt him most.

She was angry, for him. One time she threw her phone across the dressing room and cried out, "What is wrong with these people?! How can they judge you because of some rumor?"

And then he'd be the one comforting her, as if she was the one offended. Her loyalty to him made him smile. And her faith in him made him want to be better.

—–

"Come on, man. You've been staring at your phone."

"Huh?" he said, looking up at Bret.

"Call her!"

"I don't know who you're talking about." He said defensively.

"Whatever."

"Look, I think I'll just go. I'm tired."

"You really think you should drive?" Bret took his phone out and started texting. He gave his friend a confused look but shrugged it off. When he stood up to go, his phone buzzed.

Don't drive. I called grab taxi so they could pick you up. Be safe.

It was a text from Nadine. He smiled despite himself, and because his mind was muddled from alcohol, he didn't question how she knew he was leaving.

——-

"Hey, you. How's your weekend?" She asked, sitting beside him. They were in-between takes and he was still sleepy. Maybe a little hungover.

He shot her a side glance and he could see her wide brilliant smile and suddenly, his mood lifted.

"Blurry." He mumbled.

"hmm" she said as she put her earphones on. He moved closer to her and rested his head on her shoulder.

Her scent filled him with a sense of rightness. With her this close, everything was right in the world again.

She nudged him, "May ginawa ka nanaman kabulastugan no? Tell me about it. You know I won't get mad."

"I did nothing out of the ordinary Naddie."

"Okay. But..."

"But what?" he said lifting his head to look at her. Her dark brown eyes focusing on him and he swore she could see his soul.

"You seem weird today."

"I feel weird." He said resting his head on her shoulder once again.

She shrugged and with that she hummed with the music on her phone.

With her humming, the slight tickle of her hair, and her warmth right next to him. He thought, "Ah, yes. Finally, I can rest."

Because with her beside him, even without words, it felt like coming home.

He didn't know that was the beginning of his fall.