My head was pounding. My vision was groggy. My limbs felt disconnected from their sockets. I had a small cut just below my cheek bone. My hands were black from my finger tips to my wrists. My all black ensemble was covered in reflective glitter. All my friends were asleep around me. We had one hell of a night. We had spent our Friday night reading each other quotes from our favorite books and drinking Trader Joe's rosé while playing Blue Neighborhood on repeat. By the time we reached the bottom of the bottle, everyone was in tears.
My girlfriend had fallen asleep on my chest. Her long auburn hair was gently tangled in my slim fingertips. Her eyes flitted open as my single band ring caught in a strand of her hair. She looked up at me with her big hazel eyes and smiled like I was a beautiful sunset. God she was perfect. We sat there for a moment, studying each other's faces while the sounds around us became a blur. I saw tears forming in her eyes and took my black covered hand and gently wiped them away, being careful not to get any paint in her eyes. In that moment I had the sudden realization that everything was temporary. We had our music, we had our Blurryfaces, and we had each other. Eventually, all of this will be gone. Our nights will become memories told at family gatherings, our heart breaks will become life lessons that are told to future generations, and our mental instability will become a reason to place us in a nursing home. She realized it too.
• • • •
We rolled into my driveway around 3:15 a.m. I walked to my doorstep, and asked my girlfriend if she was coming with me. With an immense amount o effort she heaved her exhausted limbs out of my friends Nissan Altima and made her way towards me. She fell into me as soon as I stretched my arm out to assist her. We waved my friends off and went inside. The house was empty because my mom was on a cruise with her friends. She had been a fairly hands off parent since my dad left us when I was 10. I was now 17. As we made our way up the stairs my girlfriend began mumbling my name. I ignored it until her voice became somber. "Charlotte? Charlotte. What's going to happen to us?" I stopped on the top step, and gave her a concerned look before saying "Lynn, what do you mean? We're going to put on pajamas and go to sleep". She looked upset. "No, no I mean-". "Let's get ready for bed real quick. Then we can talk". We walked into my room, washed the glitter and paint off our hands and faces, put on baggy t-shirts, and crawled into my sheets. We laid side by side holding hands. Lynn traced the newly formed scar on my cheek and gently kissed it. She then rolled over on to her side and asked, "What's gonna happen if we let our demons win? I know we're both fighting them off, but on nights like these it's almost unbearable. I feel everything but nothing. I feel alone when I'm with everyone. Except you. You keep my ghosts far away. I couldn't live without you". That's the last thing I remember hearing before Lynn fell asleep with me cradling her in my arms.
