blue: his eyes | k.ji

thirty eight

im gonna miss you so much,

i feel as guilty as ever, writing this to you, i wish that i didnt have to. but my times over, it was over from the start and ive been fighting the endless battle for so long but im too weak now.

i wanted you to know exactly how i felt, before i go. ive had so much time to myself this past week that ive planned my whole death out, and the first part of it is to make you fall out of love with me. im going to- i already have lied to you that im moving away, in hopes of getting you to feel negatively towards me..but if youre reading this right now, then i guess my plan didnt workout well.

im sorry that i didnt thank you for passively caring about me throughout my high school life. im positive that if it wasnt for you, i wouldve stopped attending school the day it started.

im sorry that i didnt make you as happy as any other girl probably could, i swear that i tried my best. you deserve all the happiness in the world.

im sorry that you had to spend your high school days with me, rather than your friends. i didnt know that you hanging out with me would make them call you a freak too.

im sorry for all the wrongs that ive done to you, i would take them back in a heartbeat if i could. especially when i let you in. that was the biggest mistake that i have ever made. opening up to you was hurting you in other words, i know that when you read this youre gonna be heart broken. i wish you hadnt fallen in love with someone as messed up as me.

im so sorry, kim jongin. youve changed my world and made my last few years on earth amazing, i hope that i brightened yours up even the slightest.

i love you, always have and always will.

- yours