Amazing Grace (to be edited)

Chapter 3

The next week passed by in a blur. Grace was back to school and doing just fine, besides the fact she went to the nurse constantly; she still was participating in class when she was there, and I didn't see anything to complain about. I thought she was doing spectacular for her circumstances. And, under the circumstances, I had to make blueberry panckaes for her every morning; it was the least I could do, but it left me tired going into work and increased my spending a bit. So, of the whole, we were both going downhill. It seemed like Grace's head hurt a lot more through the passing of the week, but it could of just been that she wasn't afraid to vocalize her thoughts anymore. I hoped against hope that the results of her test would come out well, but there was that pessimistic side of me coming into play saying that Grace might...

I shook myself out of it. I couldn't be thinking like that at a time like this.

"Honey, how was your day?" I asked to Grace from the front seat of the car. I had just picked her up from school.

"I went to the nurse's twice." Grace said solemnly.

"Oh." I responded, disheartened. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. When we got home I got the mail and we went inside. Grace ran off to play and I sat down at the Dining Room table with my mail. Bills, bills, magazine, and waht's this? The test results! I ripped them open and read the letter.

Your daughter has a rare form of brain cancer....... No cure has been found....

I let the letter slip out of my hands and glide on the air towards the ground. No. This couldn't be happening. Not her, too! The letter brought back memories I had kept hidden for almost seven years. I remember, much too clearly, sitting at this same table with my husband, reading a similar letter adressed to him. I remember all the drama afterwards, and all the sadness- the insourmountable sadness. The worst thing may have been that he never got to see his beautiful little daughter's face. I thought in the back of my mind that I knew this might happen some day. But it was so soon.

"Grace!" I called, my vioce choked and broken, with tears of remembrance in my eyes. "We have to go!"

I heard her tottering down the stairs, and then there she was, her smile fading when she say my expression. Her spectular green eyes became soft with compassion. "Where are we going, Mommy?"

"We have to go back the doctors'."

"Aw..." Grace put her head down and trudged over to the car. We soon got going. I wasn't allowing myself to think right now; there was too much at stake. I just drove. When we got there Dr. Gregory saw to us quickly, and we were soon back in a wonderfully cozy little exam room. I told Grace to stay put, and then he took me out of the room for a moment to discuss our predicement. 

"Well,  it seems that the type of cancer you daughter has has been tested and doesn't respond well to treatment- even kemotherapy. If we were to give her treatment it woulf give her a few more months but, I'm very sorry to say that it doesn't seem like there's a whole lot we can do. I'm sorry; I truly am." Dr. Gregory said with his eyes downcast.

"Well, how much time do we have? Can you tell me that much?" I wondered aloud.

"Based on the lack of treatment and the development of the cancer at this point in time... I'd say... Two months."

Two months. I had two fucking months left to spend with my only daughter. At least with Greg I had six. A pang of guilt hit me. I was the one who had let him die. Whenever he came home saying his head hurt I gave him some Advil and let it pass. Then, when he finally insisted on going to the doctor, we found this out. Damn. I couldn't believe I let this slip by me too. And now I was standing here, the exact same position I was in almost seven years ago. Grace couldn't take this type of anxiety like Greg could. What was I going to tell her? That she was going to die? Somehow, tears burst out of me and I broke down crying. Dr. Gregory put a hand on my back, but I shooed it away. You can do this, Emily. Just go in and break it to her softly.

I stood up straight and wiped the tears away. "I can do this, doctor. Just give us a moment." He nooded and I went in the exam room.

"Mommy, are you ok?" Grace asked.

"Yes I'm fine. But I have something very important to tell you, so listen, ok?" Grace nodded, "Remember that machine you got in that you got inside of last week?" Grace nodded again, "Well, it found something wrong with you. We're going to have to stay here so the doctors can help you." Grace nodded one final time, "Now give Mommy a few minute. I have important things to do." I walked back out of the exam room to conference with Dr. Gregory. "I don't want any kemotherapy. I want her whole and beautiful to the last second." Dr. Gregory nodded, and I walked off a ways and then whipped out my cell, calling my boss. "Hello, Carol. I have a question for you. How long could I take off from work, starting now?"

"If this is not a medical matter, than I can only give you about two weeks if you still expect to get payed." Carol responded in a business-like tone.

"This is a medical matter. My daugher has brain cancer."

"Oh. Well then, I think I can give you a month. I'm sorry, Emily. Grace is such a sweet girl."

"Is that all you can give me?" I begged.

"Yes, or it starts to go into legal matters. I'm truly sorry. Best of luck, Emily."

"Thanks. Bye." I hung up quickly. Grace got herself a hospital room. I stayed the night with her, sleeping in a chair. I did the same thing most of the time, through the month I had to work. I held her hand through the night, and began to grow used to the feeling of her limp in my arms.

Everyone else at work could tell how strained I was. I had barely had enough energy to do anything anymore, and thankfully most of my coworkers went easy on the amount of work they gave me. Carol was always trying to do something for me, but it rarely helped anything. Each day I saw Graace getting a little weaker, loosing a little light in those beautifull green eyes. I could hardly take watching my baby die, slowly. No one on earth should have to go though this sort of pain twice.

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-Nagini