Love should be a rosy-colored blissful feeling that can make you squeal like a 3 year-old getting tickled by your daddy, it should not feel like this, the pain, the betrayal, that sharp stabbing feeling that seems to feel like a dagger was being plunged right into my chest several times up until I can no longer feel anything… that’s right, I’m already numb… but still, how was I able to feign a smile, how was I able not to shed a tear, how was that possible when inside I’m brooding like I’m about to burst with anger, anguish, hatred and all negativity that is humanly possible, instead I just stood there, smiling at him, saying these exact same words
“Thank you…. for everything, you were my first, and being an idealist, I thought you can be my last, but sadly, I was the only one thinking like that, wishfully hoping a future where we are happy… together…..now, I realized that it was never meant to be, since the start this was bound to happen, nonetheless, I wish you happiness…..even if it means that you’re going to be happier without me. Good bye”
As I left that place, the nest where all our memories together and all those cherished moments are, I gazed up to the sky, asking the heavens, would God be so kind and let the rain pour down upon me right now, and then, just like that, heavy rain showered down into me, I got wet down to my underwear but that was the least of my worries, for I was more troubled on how to get through a tomorrow where he and I doesn’t exist anymore… I walked, and walked, and walked with no definite heading place in mind, a blank stare and I remember bumping into strangers a couple of times, inside my mind I was thinking, I was trying to organized my thoughts, trying to come up with a rationally sound explanation on how I can cope up and as the rain masked the tears that I was finally able to shed, I arrived with a thought,
‘Love doesn’t exist in this day and age, the time of fairytale romances has already passed, to hope a happily ever after would only lead to an excruciating heartbreak, therefore it is better not to love again, not to believe in love again and to never let anyone hurt me again just because of that foolish thing called love.’
As the downpour came to a stop, and the clouds started clearing up the skies to give way to the bright sun, I came to a decision, that, I will never ever again shed a tear for LOVE.
And this is a promise I meant to keep for a lifetime.
-LOVE ANTAGONIST-
