defying reason - kuroshitsuji

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Prologue |
D e f y i n g 
R e a s o n

When one describes another as desperate, they are often describing someone who is in a time of need and are willing to go to any means to resolve themselves or said circumstance.

However, desperation is pitiful and is suited for those who look for easy resolutions.

She was not desperate, but willing.

Yes, willing.

『０１ 。１８８６』

"Margaret..."

The child closed her teary eyes, thinking of her dearest guardian, walking into the dining room with a silver platter in hand. They would sit at the table and converse kindly, indulging in what was so rare for a young noble.

"Are you there, Curly, please tell me you are there⁉︎"

She thought of the times she spent with her governess and the times before today.

It was too cold for her liking, the girl was more fond of comfortable heat.

Death was numb, and she did not like it one bit.

"Are you there? Ciel, I—don't want you to leave me right now— please."

Maybe this is what death is?

Your life flashes before your eyes then you fade away. It's the way that reason dictates.

"I'm here Adriane, don't close your eyes! Who said you could leave me — all alone by myself."

But on the odd occasion reason has afterthoughts. Ones that can change the way someone will live their life, ones that defy it.

"Ple— please— you're all I have, please..."

He let out choked sobs as he stared down at her face. Her head rested on his lap, rims of her tattered dress, which looked more like rags after two months of constant use, splaying on the ground. She was lifeless, all warmth had left her body and her skin was as pale as a winter's morning.

"I'm sorry to leave you like this, I'd have wanted to stay by your side f— for longer, I'm so sorry Ciel." Even the girl was  surprised when she shed a sorrowful tear, at that moment she feared death, and she feared loneliness. "I'm sorry for dying so weakly, so disgustingly dramatic. I'm going down with regrets, like she did."

The girl was quite selfish. She had no intention to die for another's sake. Margaret, her dearest Curly, had made that tragic mistake before in a weak misguided attempt to clear her own conscience. Or maybe Curly had cared for the child and sacrificed herself willingly.

The child felt sorry for her former governess, actually, no, she respected her. For someone to have ended their life in such a chivalrous way was honourable.

But the girl did not deserve to die in such a way.

"You're that one regret Ciel."

It was only at that moment she truly realised what the fated experience was like.

Death was silent and cold with slight warmnesses relapsing at moments. Her face was sat in a frown. "I'm praying that you won't meet me in hell."